My Daughter, Audrey [ON HOLD]

The Letter

Peter gawked at the child.  He didn’t know what to say, much less do.  His first thought was to grab the child and throw her out in the rubbish and pretend he had never encountered her, his other reaction was to leave her and run far away.   With shaking hands, Peter took the toy away from her and tucked it back into his pocket.  He patted her head with a stiff hand and hastily walked away.  He didn’t go far, only into the smoking room.  Once there, he shut the door behind him and slid down onto the floor.  

               “Oh, bloody ‘ell.  Did that tyke jest say wot I thought she did?  Oh, Lord, oh, God.  Oh my—my jacket.”  Peter stopped his fretting so he could take off his jacket, for the sweat dripping from every inch of him was ruining the fabric.  “There, ya go, I’ll ‘ang you up ‘ere.” With trembling hands, Peter hung his jacket up on the doorknob and returned his thoughts to the shocking news he had just received.   “I ‘aven’t got a kid!  Where the ‘ell did she come from?  I’m no father, I’m no—oh, blood, bugger, bugger day!” 

               The door opened, slamming hard against Peter’s back.  Peter stumbled forward and caught the door with his foot.

               “Why isn’t this door opening?  I need my smoke!” snarled a stranger, still attempting to pry the door open.

               “’Old on, ya bloke, me foot is in the doorway!  Take a jump, or let the door be!”   Peter stumbled to his feet and waited for the stranger to come in.

               “There’s a little girl out there, asking for you,” the man said gruffly as he lit his cigar.

               “I know there is!”  Peter said under his breath.  He snatched his jacket from where he had hung it and brushed past the man, who let out a sigh of content as he took a long drag from his cigar. Peter slowly made his way back to his door and found the girl standing with her hands clasped together in fright.              

               “Are you going to run away again?”  the girl asked as she watched Peter carefully.  “My Mom said for you to read the letter.  And to not give me away.”

               Peter struggled against tears of stress welling up inside of him and smiled.  The girl looked so innocent with her large brown eyes, blonde straw-like hair, and sweet face.  She was a lovely little thing and didn’t deserve having anyone to be cross with her.   Peter walked up to her and squatted so that they were eye-level.

               “Don’t worry, little one, I’m not going to run again.  I don’t think I’m yer daddy, though.  Perhaps yer mistaken, aye?”  Peter took the letter from his jacket pocket and ripped it open.   His eyes scanned the paper, thinking it was a letter written to someone else, but when the words began reminding him of a history he had believed he had forgotten, he started at the beginning of the letter and read it slowly. 

 

 Dearest Peter Holmes,

               You may not remember me, but to refresh your memory, I am the young lady you made love to one night at my father’s place.  We were young, but I don’t forget as easily as you might have.  The child I left you is indeed yours—don’t think she isn’t.   Her name is Audrey and she’s your daughter.  I live in New York and work as a fashion model; Audrey gets in the way.  I sent her to boarding school, but her mouse-like attitude separates her from her peers and I don’t want her to appear antisocial.  I took her back with me to New York for awhile, but she turned out to be a handful.  I discovered where you live because I have plenty of  money now, and I can hire people to find other people.  However from now on, the girl stays with you.  What you do with her is your business and none of mine. 

               I hope you know you made my life a wreck when I found out about Audrey—I almost wanted to get rid of her before she was born, but I was persuaded otherwise.  I was quite the mess until I found a modeling job in New York.  Anyway, I hope that when you look at her, you see me and remember what a dreadful part of my life you were.  I never did care for you, and our moment in the sun was just to console my depression.  I’m not going to apologize for my actions; for I believe they are justifiable.  Do not try to return the girl—she’s no longer my responsibility. 

                                      Sincerely, the now famous and free from you, Helen Trapp

               Peter folded the letter and sniggered.  “Well, I never thought she’d be the mothering type—probably a good thing she’s left you in my ‘ands.  But I don’t like children, so don’t get cross when I get a temper around ya.”

               Audrey went up to Peter and threw her arms around one of his legs.  She pressed her chubby cheek against his thigh and smiled.  “You’re not going to mean like that man that lives with Mommy?”

               “She’s already got a new squeeze, good for ‘er,” Peter said under his breath.  He looked down at the girl and pried her away.  “Come along, you.  We’ll git you somethin’ to eat.  ‘Ave ya eaten?  And yer look cold.  It’s awfully cold ‘ere, innit?”

               Audrey laughed the sweetest laugh and grabbed a corner of Peter’s jacket.  “You talk funny!”

               “I’m from England.  Well no, sorry, love.  I mean, I'm from Scotland, but I don't carry that accent anymore.  I moved to London where I was taught how to speak "proper", then I lost that accent.  And now I'm 'ere in Liverpool, and I took a likin' to 'ow the people down 'ere speak.  Enough of me.   Wot were we on?"

              "You talk funny!"  Audrey repeated through a giggle.

              "Oh right.  Well, I might think ya talk funny.”

               Audrey mediated on Peter’s joke before she understood it.  She giggled once again and drew closer to Peter.  However Peter, not wanting to develop a relationship with the child too fast, gently pushed her away.  Audrey registered the rejection, but didn’t take it personally.  She was smart for her young age, and was very tuned into how people acted around her.  She had a bit of her father in her in that regard—she was sensitive, kind, and tried her best to please people.  But she also shared his vulnerability to the world’s harshness, and seemed to believe everyone could be trusted.  Her father had made the mistake of trusting a woman, but perhaps that was a good thing—for little did Peter know, Audrey would turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to him.