My Daughter, Audrey [ON HOLD]

The Lovers' Letters

My dearest Jennie,

               It has been too long since I last wrote to you.  Can’t believe it’s the middle of November.  I haven’t heard from our dear Audrey.  How are you, my love?  After all this time away, I’ve had so much I’ve wanted to tell you.  First of all, I’ve been trying to work on my speech, have you noticed that I’ve I’m writing differently???  I am chuffed that I’m learning so quickly, but I still get frustrated, especially without someone to help me. I picked up some old cheap grammar books and am trying to learn from them.   I hope that I get a chance to show you how I speak better!  If ya want me to me oldself if if you want me to my old self, I can easily do so!  I’ve been thinking how fantastic it is to have you finally mine—to think that you were once untouchable, now I can embrace you with no guilt, shame, or bound desires. I miss everything—it’s dull in this house.  I fancy Taffy, but he doesn’t kiss quite like you do.

               Tell me, dear, everything.  I fear that I will go mad if I won’t know what you’re doing; feeling; thinking.  We haven’t had a long moment to talk—conversations are the root to relationships, and I have failed there.  I wish I had made more time for us.  I wish I had not let things get in the way.  Oh, my dear, Jennie, you’ve been so patient with me.  How do you do it?  What power do you have to settle for a bloke like me?  You are an extraordinary woman—what do men think when they believe they can live alone?  Or for those who do live a life of solitude, I will never understand how they survive.

               I have stopped to wander what it takes for you to be a woman?  Is it hard?  Easy? It’s probably very hard, especially for someone who looks after me—but ya make it look so easy!  Oh, Jennie.  Jennie.  Jennie.  Do you hear your name in my voice?  Read it in my voice; read it in a whisper.  Jennie.  Jennie.  Loving you takes no effort.  Have I told you that I’ve never felt like meself around anyone but ya?  Have I told you that to be seen with you is like being seen with the finest prize in the world?

               I must boast, but I can’t help but compare ya to other girls—ya are much finer than them.  They all look plain and boring, but you, you radiate a…I can’t think of the word now…but ya radiate something that makes me weak.  I am happier now, even though you are far away.  I apologized to my father.  Have I told you about our past?  It’s dark and scary, but it seems to be resolving peacefully.  Before I bring up this subject, please, my love, know that I hold nothing against ya.  But my father, Phillip Holmes, claimed to have known you more than afar.  I am miffed, but not angry at you, my love. 

               Ah!  Look, I have run away with me thoughts.  It’s just been dreary.  The butcher’s job is holding fantastically.  I’m getting paid well.  I will hold on to the money until we join to count up the present amount.  Respond soon, love, I can’t bear not reading or hearing from you.

Your forever, Peter

December 5, 1962

My darling Peter,

What joy you brought me when I received your letter!  I will have you know that Helen had written me and said I was to stay with her and Audrey until the Christmas Eve party.  I found it kind of her, but I don’t trust her—she’s wily and fierce, and I don’t think I could find a bit of me to trust her.  Oh!  Audrey is splendid!  She’s so smart, Peter, and what’s even more wonderful is that she reminds me more of you every day.  Her mannerism, her expressions, her strong understanding of people, even if she doesn’t express all she knows.  She’s a regular treasure.  Helen has a Negro for a maid—she’s exceptionally sweet.

               Her name is Jessica, and we have grown close to one another.  Her son is in the war in Vietnam. Jessica talks about a man named Martin Luther King, Jr, and she goes on and on about a movement her people are making.  If I wasn’t born with the colour skin I have, I would help her to no end!  For they have been put in such an unfair position.  The more I talk to Jessica, the more I wonder how other people the opposite skin colour rebuke them.  Some white people are heartless towards Jessica when she goes out—I am surprised she comes home safely after her errands.  I’m a bit confused about some things, but I know things will make sense in time.  The president, known as JFK, is a remarkable young man.  He’s very charismatic, and his wife is simply eloquent!  

               Enough of the outside world, I shall fill this next paragraph answering your questions.  You may think yourself a bother to me, but my love for you surpasses all annoyance—I’m giggling now, for I miss your mischievous ways.  I don’t think I can take you for granted.  You are such a kind soul –more than I could have ever asked for and more than I could ever want. I’ve had my own share of thinking of you; what pleasant thoughts they have been!  I would share gladly my secretive thoughts of you, but I fear someone may find our letters and poke fun.  You should know, however, that I think you’re marvelous!  Your faithfulness at your young age has made me admire you even more.  At some points, I find myself worshipping you!  But don’t take it into your pretty head that I do so often—I don’t want you to get full of yourself!

               Phillip Holmes – very familiar name, can’t place the face to him.  I can’t explain to you how my heart jumped in fear when I read it.  I thought you would have a temper towards me, but I was grateful to see that you haven’t.  I have decided, now that you’ve brought it up, to remove myself from that career.  I’m earning enough now, and my entire soul belongs to you.  And you only.  Forgive me for all the others I had sold myself to, looking back; I was just silly and desperate.  I had no sense of self-respect and I figured it was the fastest and easiest job ever.  Little did I know it was damaging my mind and soul…like poison.  But thank goodness you showed up!

               Helen has been rough with Audrey, as I found out later by Audrey herself.  I took Helen into a private room, and I’m afraid to admit, I yelled at her.  I told her she was a “witch” and I slapped her face, too.  Oh what a rage I put her in!  If it wasn’t for her father coming in, I believe we would have scratched each other to death!  I daresay that I wish you were there to see me—I was putting her down to her rightful size, and she didn’t have much to say to my witty remarks! I felt horribly ashamed afterwards, but the more I think about it, the more I’m glad what I said to her.  She won’t be hurting our Audrey anymore.

               Oh, Peter, I miss you so much.  My heart burns and my eyes have cried till there were no more tears to show.  I hate sleeping alone at night—hearing strange noises puts me on edge and I stay up for the longest time.  There is this one man who keeps talking to me in an overly friendly fashion, wish you were here to thrash him—he’s so clinging and seductive.   Mind you, I have not yielded to the scoundrel and I never will!  I think he’s one of those bachelors who gambles away his earnings—reckless man. 

               I’m rushing here now, for Audrey and I are going to choose a dress for me to wear at the Christmas Eve party.  If I am able, I will take a picture of myself and send it to you promptly.  Pin me up somewhere and think of me however way you like—dirty me, I know, but I am your wife, and I want to please you even when I am away.  I hope no one reads what I have written there, I feel so scandalous writing that!  Oh, Peter, when you wrote my name in the letter, I could hear you clearly.  I’m afraid to say that I cried when I realized you weren’t really here to say them to me.  Oh, and your writing is superb!  I am very proud of you—hope you continue so, I find it very attractive.  Though, don’t change too much, I like your accent, it makes you the Peter I fell in love with.  I must go, Audrey is waiting patiently.  And she’s gotten taller, too.  You will hardly recognize her because her face is thinning out and she’s looking more and more like a lady.  I will send you a photo of her, too.

In fondness and in love, your Jennie