Whole Grain Bread and Other Musings

Weird Things in an Elevator, Part 1

"I have something to tell you."

The girl looked over to the boy, who was looking at her in utter seriousness. "Okay. What is it?"

He looked desperate, clasping his hands together and his eyes brimming with tears. "It's... it's very important."

The girl was used to his crazy antics, and so she said irritably, "What random crap do you want to do now?"

He immediately cheered up and announced, "Let's get into an elevator!"

The girl rolled her eyes but obligingly shut her book and stood up. "Let's go, then."

After walking across the street where a super-fancy hotel with three elevators was conveniently located, the boy told his plan to the girl. She agreed. Together, the pair entered an elevator and let the doors slide shut behind them. There were a few businesspeople in with them, anxiously waiting for their floor.

They were so uppity that when the boy yelled "Ding!" each time they reached the next floor a few of them jumped. The girl snickered behind her hand, and exited as soon as they hit the next floor. Meanwhile, the boy hit the button for the floor right above the one she had left.

As soon as the doors opened she ran in and cried, "They're after me, they're after me" and then ran back out. It was the boy's turn to laugh now, but he still dutifully called out "Ding!' despite his chortles.

After they hit the sixth floor again - third time - he skipped out, leaving a very confused/irritable/angry group of people behind. He slapped five with the girl and they entered a new elevator to prey on new victims.

"I'm waiting for my friend," the girl explained, holding the elevator doors open. The people stared at her, until she let the doors close. Then she said brightly, "Hi, George! How was the conference call?" to no one in particular. The boy turned away, shoulders shaking with laughter, as the people in the small room shifted uncomfortably.

Then he pulled out a piece of chalk, regaining his composure, and drew a small square on the floor. "This is my personal space," he announced, standing primly on the said space. "No one else is allowed in." This time, a whole flood of people exited, not wanting to stay in the same room as the two crazy kids. In fact, they only left one businessman, his face so wrinkly and rigid that he looked to be a hundred years old and frozen with rigor mortis.

The girl hung around away from the man, talking to 'George', when the boy poked him. The man slowly turned to look at him, and the boy said, "It wasn't me!" in such a sweet tone that, if the girl hadn't known better, would have made everyone believe him. The man narrowed his eyes at him and stiffly exited on the next floor, leaving the boy and the girl alone. Well, with 'George', of course, but he magically disappeared as soon as only the two were left. Cackling, the two moved on to the final elevator.

Once inside, the girl nodded to the boy and squished herself to the other side of the elevator. After a moment, her voice rang out clearly in the silence, broken only by poorly-chosen elevator music: "You're one of them!" She then proceeded to make her way toward the other side of the elevator, rudely shoving anyone who was in her way with grim determination. But her eyes were laughing when she exchanged a glance with the boy, one that said Your turn.

His face screwed up in intense pain, and he placed his head in his hands while muttering in a stage whisper, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up. Shut up, shut up... shut up!" With each 'shut up' he proceeded to smack himself with his hand. After a moment of deathly silence, most of the passengers got off on the fourth floor.

They only had three more floor to do something completely and utterly doltish and embarrassing. But the girl and boy were used to being idiots. The girl began to hum the first eight notes to 'It's a Small World After All' and did not cease doing so when the other remaining three passengers glared at her. The boy then proceeded to lean on the buttons, not moving even when one of the passengers politely motioned for him to.

At the first floor they skipped off, giggling madly. They didn't completely collapse until they reached the safety of the girl's living room floor, displaying remarkable restraint.

"We have to do that again sometime," the girl managed to say as soon as they had recovered from the laughing attack.

"We most definitely do. Let's make a list, shall we?"

"Oh yeah." They slapped fives and scrambled off to her room, where her laptop waited.