A Fractured Echo

Chapter 25

Rather than heading back to the car, Jackson changed his mind as we reached the road. Steering me towards Richmond Hill instead, he cheerfully declared we should make the most of the good weather, not to mention it would be quicker to walk. My head was spinning from events only moments before, added to which I was struggling to keep up with his giant strides compared to my own much shorter gait. A hearty, carefree chuckle rang out at my breathless reminder that I only had little legs. There was a richness and depth to his laughter I'd never heard before, and it warmed me to think this was an outward sign of the progress he'd made in such a short space of time.

It didn't stop me from returning to the question of whether there might be any kind of meaning behind his kiss. The memory of the gentle pressure against my lips, no matter how short was seared in my brain, playing on a loop. It added to my subdued state as we marched towards our destination, making me more than a touch nervous Jackson might spot my brooding preoccupation. It was pointless to even hope my feelings were mirrored, especially when the rational side of my brain was screaming not to get ahead of myself. It was just gratitude, an innocent gesture to show appreciation for the gentle nudge I'd given him about getting the support he needed.

Rounding the crest of the hill, we turned down another street, coming to a stop outside a quaint little pub overlooking the park's rolling landscape. Yet again, Jackson had chosen the perfect spot. A pair of cast iron lampposts sat in front of matching railings lined the steps leading to dark grey doors, while a pair of perfectly manicured bushes in weathered iron planters flanked them, like two soldiers guarding the entrance silently. There was no denying, he did 'good pub', and I couldn't fault this latest choice. Stepping over the threshold, the interior didn't disappoint either. While Jackson approached the long wood panelled bar to get our drinks, I shrugged out of my coat, taking in the exposed brickwork running along most of the walls, until my eyes fell on a large stone fireplace in one of the nooks off the main dining space. Two tartan wingback chairs sat vacant beside the hearth, inviting punters to take advantage of the warmth from the logs burning in the grate. Making a bee line for the empty seats, I hung my coat on a conveniently placed hook to the left of the mantle before sinking into the cushioned comfort of the one facing towards the bar.

My mind was still a chaotic swirl of confusion over Jackson's earlier action, as I tried desperately to tamp down the fizz left behind by the feeling of his lips pressed to mine so unexpectedly. From my vantage point, I scrutinised Jackson who was talking affably with the young man serving him. The lightness I'd noticed earlier, remained, and in that moment, there wasn't a chance of me taking it away from him.

I also knew it wasn't fair to deceive him now my feelings had grown, I just couldn't do that to him. To hide something which might later make him distrust me again, after everything we'd gone through to get to this point, was something I couldn't bear either. Having another woman lie to him would most likely cause irreparable damage to his already fragile heart and soul, and I couldn't risk being the one to inflict further suffering on a man who deserved more than I could ever give him. Absolute transparency was warranted, but it would be a while before it would be appropriate to say anything. He needed time, and I could give him whatever he required, even with my affections multiplying.

A stone-cold fear of rejection, muddled by the reticence to risk the friendship we'd forged, had driven my determination to keep everything to myself. Yet I'd allowed myself to need Jackson, in a way I never thought possible, and despite this, his very presence muffled the clanging alarm bells until they became just the faintest chime when he was near. No matter how chaotic my thoughts became as I tried to reconcile my feelings for him, being in his presence was the instant calm to make me forget my worries.