A Fractured Echo

Chapter 4

                  

Since my encounter with Constance and subsequent run-in with Jackson I'd been in a weird state of flux, but not in the sense you might have thought.  I'd managed to go an entire week without a single door related dream, and had slept solidly every night.  This in itself was unsettling. 

Ruby had a theory about it of course.  My boss always had a theory.  The annoying thing being her theories were normally right.  She believed that it was because I'd now unlocked a significant detail, I was able to let that go in my subconscious, which meant uninterrupted sleep.  It didn't make sense to me in the slightest, and a conversation with my counsellor didn't do much to help either.  An hour with her talking through events since the last time I'd seen her just left me feeling raw and exposed.  It was the same thing every time.  The entire session discussing how incidents had made me feel, any new recollections and whether they could be linked to previous ones.  I might as well have spent an hour rubbing at my skin with wire wool and bleach.  I'd have felt no less raw, but the bonus would be that I was at least somewhat cleansed.  Instead, I always seemed to leave that pokey little office needing to take a hot shower.

Ruby also had a theory on Jackson's behaviour, not that I was surprised.  In her words, he was just 'an obnoxious dickhead with a god complex', at least that had me laughing hysterically for the first time in a while.  I wasn't keen on being reminded of the coldness I'd been subjected to on that Sunday.  The altercation was not my finest moment that I could recall, nor was I in any rush to endure again. 

In fact, truth be told, I never wanted to set eyes on that man again, which was a shame because he really was a stunningly beautiful specimen.  In another life, maybe he'd have been the type I'd have been attracted to.  Sadly, his personality as I saw it was beyond ugly, not to mention a massive turn off.

I'd happily forget everything that occurred that day, although there was one little thing that had niggled me.   In the lounge, there had been a painting on the wall behind the armchair where she'd been sitting.  The framed canvas had taken up taken up a large portion of the cream wall and depicted a lone figure sitting in the shade of a tree on a sunny day.  The style seemed vaguely familiar.  The composition, despite its use of bright hues, left a taste of sadness behind when you looked at it, possibly because the person was the element lacking any colour.  I had meant to ask Constance about it, but things kind of went out of the window when we were interrupted. 

No doubt I'd figure it out eventually, and it wasn't like this was causing any burning angst or restless nights.

In the meantime, I was wrestling with a more pressing issue.  What to wear for a night out with Jodie?  On the surface, this was very much a first world problem, and something that most women experienced with as much regularity as deciding what to have for breakfast.  However, I wasn't most women, and my dilemma was driven by something completely different. 

Despite embracing most aspects of freedom, big nights out didn't feature on the agenda.  My social life was deliberately limited to daytime adventures, an occasional twilight trip to the cinema, or if I truly wanted to splurge...an early bird deal with Jodie at one of the handful of restaurants within walking distance of the house.  Noisy, crowded places like bars and clubs were still a hard limit for me.  Even the thought of entering one was overwhelming to the point I broke out in a cold sweat and started shaking.  As with so much of my psyche, attempting to pinpoint what caused this reaction appeared futile.  Fear was an irrational emotion, I wasn't daft enough to not grasp that, but it didn't alter the fact that I was much happier not inserting myself into that kind of environment. 

Avoidance was something I'd become rather adept at whenever the idea was suggested by Jodie.  Usually, she would accept my excuses of 'lack of funds' or 'you know I'm not good in large groups' without argument.  Since becoming friends, the issue had never been questioned or pushed, but thanks to some free tickets to the opening of a new music venue where an artist I really liked was going to be playing a set, I found myself with no legitimate escape route.