Just Let me love you / destiel

Chapter 15

•DEAN'S POV•

He didn't want to talk to Cass, he'd be made fun of. He saw how hurt Cass got every time he walked by without saying hi. He saw the life drain from Cass' eyes and it killed Dean.

To see the boy who smiled every time he saw Dean, every time Dean made a joke, who was always there for him and it was Dean's fault he was breaking.

He didn't know what to do, should he attempt saying something? Should he help Cass up every time he was down? Should he tell Cass the truth?

The truth was the worst thing of all. The thing he'd been denying since day one, ever since he felt it. When he saw Cass it took his breath away. He was elegant but clumsy, classy but subtle, powerful but small. His eyes so blue, the color of a icy pool, and Dean couldn't swim. Each time Cass told a story or joke, each time Cass spoke Dean's heart fluttered.

He didn't say anything because that would mean he wasn't as straight as he thought, or as he always was.

Maybe dating Anna would push those feelings away? He tried, he tried as hard as he could but it didn't work. He barely felt anything for Anna, not when they kissed, not when they were having sex and that's what scared Dean.

That party, that damned party, he knew he was screwed as soon as Cass got in the car. He was so flustered, so helpless, he couldn't help himself. He felt himself getting lost in Cass, getting lost in the way he was so carefree and happy.

Then the party ended. He knew he shouldn't have left Cass but everyone was overwhelming him.

When Cass was mad, he was hot. Dean didn't dare let himself think it, but he felt it, and he did what he thought was right.

He kissed Cass.

Dean loved every moment of it, the taste of beer on Cass' lips, the way he felt, Dean felt right. For the first time in forever Dean found his place. He knew where he was meant to be.

Then he thought of Benny telling him that he couldn't get close to Cass. If he got close to Cass, Cass would get extremely hurt. He couldn't do that to Cass.

He also knew that he couldn't do that to Anna, they were still dating for crying out loud! Dean pulled away and he knew he would regret it, and he did. He saw the look on Cass' face and it broke him. He couldn't bear to see Cass so sad, and that's when he realized that Cass enjoyed it.

Cass liked him.

Dean pretended he was into Anna, pretended he was straight, pretended he wasn't madly falling in love with the only person he truly cared about because he could say otherwise.

Everything he was feeling was against everything he was supposed to feel, even though it felt right. Dean knew he wasn't straight but he couldn't admit it. He had to play along, he couldn't hurt Cass, he wouldn't let him get hurt but he did either way. Dean knew it was best to keep distance. Then he saw the video.

He saw Cass full on admitting that he loved Dean. Saying that he loved him. Dean loved him back. Dean would always love him back, but he wasn't going to let Cass down, he had to stay away. He promised himself he would keep his distance, let the love Cass said he had for Dean wear off then everything would be ok, even though Cass was beat up and bloody on the floor. Even though Cass was spending all his time in the bathroom. Even though Cass had no one left. Even though all Cass did was smoke, drink, and go to parties.