30 Days of Lady

Day 27. Play the Critic

27: Pretend you're a critic and give a fair, concise criticism

Inner Demon

THERE’S NO SET POV, YOU DUMB CU—well, I don’t think a critic that is “fair” and “concise” would say that, so…

ID needs chapters with coherent POVs. There are a lot of unnecessary details in the opening chapters of the story. Reyna and Dante’s relationship is very stale and it feels like there is no point to it even being in the story. That being said, her relationship with Mundus is also a little fuzzy. Ram’s appearance is a little awkward and the build up to him is almost nonexistent. A lot of the scenes in Demon World are confusing and could be sorted better. The ending has Reyna, the MC, mostly knocked out which kinda makes it melodramatic.

I’m sure if I reread the story, I’d find more things to work on, but that’s all I can think of right now that needs to be worked on in the story.

As far as its good points, the demons aren’t angsty beings that want to just love, be mortal, or any other thing like that. The story expands beyond a typical supernatural romance and the MC actually grows and goes beyond being a “damsel in distress”.  I also like to think the characters are realistic and enjoyable to read about.

Act of a Demon

The writing is strong than ID, but there is still a lack of a set POV in the first dozen or so chapters which really bothers me. There are a lot of places where Reyna’s emotions “jump to conclusions” or just kinda make a 180. Some of the events can be rearranged in a more organized way, mostly in the first couple of chapters.

This is sounding like a repeat of the 10 best things/way to improve on your story entries…>__>

Calathus

Well, it’s just starting, and the writing is probably stronger than ID and AoaD. There are lots of typos and wordiness. Sometimes you get too much of a character or not enough. Some chapters hold more substance and feel more whole while others lack it.

Definitely a first draft story.