Ending of the Beginning

scars are for the dead

I sit up in the small clearing where we must have fallen asleep and yawn. I look over at Damian and see he is still asleep and not to mention snoring; I giggle at the image my brain creates of a dragon snoring and its prisoner about to escape. I hop onto my feet and take one last glance at Damian before I bolt off into the woods. I walk around the small clearing until I find a path that must have been beaten down by various times of use by the animals. I walk only a few feet into the bush just far enough I’m invisible from the world yet close enough I can still see where Damian is sleeping. I pull out my knife my father gave to me before he died to protect myself; so far all I have used it for is to harm myself. Slowly I roll up my left pant leg to expose the small, shiny pink puckered lines on my thigh. I stroke them tenderly; I only have a few, maybe fifteen but they all mean something. I had never thought of cutting before my parents died; I was an average happy go lucky teen who was almost popular and never got in trouble. I had started harming myself the day I arrived in Bella Monte; three cuts, each representing a dead member of my family…the other twelve all represent an event in the past three years that have made me plunge into a depressed state or just made me feel empty. I run the back side of the blade over a clear piece of skin. I take a few minutes to conjure up the guts to do it; after a few minutes I slide the blade over my skin and open a wound on the lower part of my thigh…that makes sixteen I think to myself. I see my blood steadily flow down my legs for a few moments starting to get a little woozy. I am so distracted by the blood I don’t notice Damian’s approach.

“Kuryen what are you doing!?” he exclaimed pulling off his shirt to push against the wound which revealed his nicely shaped body; I can’t help but think about his skin against mine. I giggle out loud because of my thought of me and him.

“Damian I’m fine really I am.” I say taking his shirt off my wound and pulling my pant leg back down; I heal abnormally fast so I’m not worried about bleeding out any time soon.

“I don’t care if your fine or not I want to know why you would do this to yourself.” He whisperers putting his hands on either side of my face. I get up off the ground and place my hands over his intertwining our fingers so I can bring his hands down to his sides.

“Come out into the clearing and I’ll tell you its too dark in here.” I say dreading what I have to explain. He follows me to a soft patch of grass where we sit down.

“Ok so you want to know why I do it.” I ask hoping he will say no.

“Yes.” He says calmly. I can see that look in his eyes. Pity.

“Ok first off though I don’t want to be judged for it and I’m going to stop when I feel like no sooner nor no later and you can’t make me stop either deal?” I say sternly glaring at him through my hair.

“But Kuryen you have to sto...”he didn’t finish his sentence because I cut him off.

“Damain stop! Either you shut your mouth and listen or I’m not telling you!” I snapped at him; I could feel a ball of tension building up in my stomach.

“Ok I’m sorry Kuryen…” he whispered.

“There are only a few you know, 16 actually.” I pause looking up from the hands to his reaction which he hid well but not well enough I couldn’t see the pity in his eyes; not that I blamed him.  “And they all mean something it’s not like I do it for no reason.” I say sounding strained. I fiddle with my fingers contemplating on how to get him to understand this is just what I do to cope. “Damian I know you don’t understand it and I don’t need you too I just need you to know I don’t do it because I’m unhappy I do it out of guilt. I made it out alive and all of those other people are dead. I know what you’re going to say: oh Kuryen it’s not your fault and yes I know that but this is how I cope. These scars.” I pause gesturing my hand to where a bit of blood has soaked through my pants. “Are here to remind me what I survived through.” I finish in a big rush.