Towards Redemption [HIATUS]

18.5 | Esmae's Ramblings |

'What's that feeling I get when I am with you? It scares me because I have never felt anything like it before.'

'You don't need to give feelings a name for it to be real. Besides, what you feel for me and what I feel for you goes beyond words like love and all that shít.'

-a conversation between Reehan and I before we started dating.

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Esmae POV:

I've been sheltered all my life. Protected and cared for as thought one would a fragile flower. I was fragile I suppose, my sickness put me apart from others as long as I could remember. The kids didn't play as freely as they did with the others when they played with me. The teachers would always glance at my direction with eyes full of sympathy and pity. I was a fragile doll, I'd break at the first sign of any toughness. 

I was a doll. I used to repeat that in my head for so long. My biggest complain to God being that I was born into such a weak body instead of a strong virile one like the others were.

Perhaps that was what drew me towards Grimm. He wasn't afraid of anything, he didn't think of changing his rough personality to suit my fragile nature. He was who he was. And if Grimm wanted to get rough with me, he damn would. Maybe I shouldn't have been so pleased after he'd first grabbed me by my neck after I took a picture of him.

Grimm oozed danger from his pores and being a good girl all my life and not knowing when the sands in my hourglass stop falling, I wanted to experience what was on the other side of the river just once before I die.

Spending time with Grimm quickly became the highlight of my days. When I am not sitting at home or volunteering at some fundraiser or visiting the hospital, I am with Grimm. Hanging out with the pretense of completing my bucket list while my whole being is just focused on the feeling of utter happiness I feel when I am with the crude mouthed man.

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It was Janice and Jacobs's wedding day. And I knew the moment I had woken up, I wasnt feeling very well. But today was one of the few days I absolutely refused to let my weakness get the best of me. I wasn't going to let it win. The cold I had the previous night had only made it worse. It didn't matter if I was having trouble breathing and that the dizzy spells were getting frequent, today I was going to have the upper hand against my weak body. 

Seeing Grimm dressed remotely formal did weird things to myheart. Despite being casual in the outfit they had compromised to instead of the tux I had wanted. He wore a plain white shirt with a dark suit and plain jeans. And just him with the combed hair was enough to make all the women present cast him glances behind their lashes.

He was handsome. But Grimm was always good looking. The tattoos only emphasized his masculine appeal. Grimm had a peculiar aura about him that screamed danger but I felt oddly safe with him and I don't know if it was stupid of plain naive to do so. 

I knew the exact moment I lost my grip on reality. It was like being pushed down the rabbit hole and fell reality warp right before your eyes. We were posing for pictures and I had my hand in Grimm's. It was warm despite his cold demeanor and slightly sweaty from his carefully hidden nervousness being around so many people. 

I had lost Grimm in the crowd and my trip to the washroom was a tripping jumbled mess that didn't help with my situation at all. I stumbled back out just as Grimm grabs my forearm. And lets go of it as though it burned him the next instant. Too wound-up to give much thought about his reaction. I counted the black-dots that were appearing in my line of vision and smiled at the three Grimm's in front of me.

I was seeing triple of everything. 

I gather my breath just enough to tell Grimm I wasn't feeling every well before everything abruptly became black and I lost control of my limbs. I am vaguely aware that Grimm was holding me and yelling out profanities and demanding attention in utter panic.

'I'm okay, Grimm.' I think to him, disliking his tone. The rest of the day is a blur. And I wake up in the hospital. 

My heart sinks the moment I recognize the smells and the all too familiar sight of white against white. 

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I stared long and hard the the kittens curled up in the glass display at Todd's pet shop. It was Grimm's birthday and I was dying to get him one of those kittens. I'd been saving up for it since we first worked at the shop. Grimm might never admit it, but somehow, I got the feeling that he had a soft spot for animals, particularly the furry kind with whiskers and go meow.

Handing Grimm the kitten had been one of the scariest moments of my life. I was dying with both dread and anticipation. A million questions were running through my head. 

What if he doesn't like it?

What if he gets mad?

What if the kitten doesn't like him?

Grimm was visibly startled when the kitten moved inside the box. I tried not to wince when he curses loudly. Despite the harsh words, he was cautiously gentle with the kitten when he took it into his hands. I wasn't surprised when the kitten hissed and spit at him. It was however, nearly impossible not be surprised when the kitten purred and curled into his hand the next instant after the rage-filled spat.

"You brought me a kitten?!" Grimm's voice was laced with disbelief and I stared up from the picture I had taken of Grimm and the kitten. "Yeah. I saw how you were looking at them at the pet shore so I went along and bought you one." I smile. 

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Over the days I spent with Grimm, he became someone really important to me. He is the best friend I always wanted and despite all his cursing and his threats, Grimm was a good man underneath all the rough exterior.

Grimm was a confusing mess. He makes my emotions go all over the place. At once instant, I am shy of getting close to him, at other times, I can't wait to grab him. Despite our regular texting, I miss him with astounding regularity and when I am not with him, all I can do is think about him. 

What is Grimm doing now?

Would Grimm enjoy vanilla ice-cream?

I wonder if Grimm ever rode one of those?

My phone beeps and I look down at it.

To: Esmae

From: Grimm

Good morning. You better not change your fúcking mind about today.

I stare at the message for a few more seconds, my heart squeezing in my chest. I rub it absently, a goofy smile on my face. The possibility of having caught a heart disease was brushed off by the information that I was going to see Grimm soon.

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I finally did and Esmae POV! So? What do you guys think? Poor Esmae is so conflicted over him and she doesn't even know what she's feeling.

Also, please ignore any mistakes!