Champions

17. School Clown

Julie

As I made it into the school compound on Monday morning, I had just got myself a new sweater and I thought nothing could really bring me down. My phone vibrated in my Jeans and I ignored it. I kept walking and made it into the corridor. As I started heading for class. I noticed that people were staring at me. Do not get me wrong me wrong here, I loved attention and the thrill that came with it, but not when they were whispering things I did not know behind my back.

As I walked into class, everyone just sort of fell silent and stared, but whispered when I disappeared. I walked out of class again, trying to find Tara and Mandy. Maybe they would clearly stress out the constant staring to me. As I pervaded into the corridor again, I saw Eric heading towards my direction, although he looked he was rather flustered, I just thought talking to him would cheer him up. I waved at him and waited excitedly for him.

I stood on that spot, anticipation  flooding in my veins. I looked like a damn squirrel baby waiting for a mother squirrel to bring the nuts home, in its squirrel nest.  I did not even know wether squirrels had nests. It was just a thought.

I was even starting to call his name and that made people stare. He paused in his spot once his eyes drank in my bodily figure. I walked towards him and he gave me a look before heading away from me. That look is one I will never forget. It hurt me so bad, hurt me more than words or even swords will ever hurt me.

He expressed a disgusted facial expression tinged with regret and hate. I wondered what I had done so bad and then I heard it. Heard it from the right side of the passage. A girl whispered.

"She's pregnant,"

I felt as tears welled up in my eyes. I hated beady eyes in public so I fled from the scene and ran to the girls' restrooms. I guess it was true. I guess Cassidy was telling me the truth all along when she said the truth always has a way of coming out, no matter how bad you want to hide them.

I felt so stupid. So worthless and valueless. I felt like a gun that had depleted of its taste and color, no longer wanted and thrown away. All this just because I got mixed with the wrong crowd. All because I was mixed with the wrong people. The popularity had got into my head, I had wanted to fit in so bad to a point where I did eveything to impress the Cool Kids and now I was pregnant.

And everyone knew.

I went into the bathroom and found more girls who were staring at me. So I fled from the scene and went into the parking lot. I took my phone out of my pocket and found a bunch of missed calls and texts from Cassdiy. That's why my phone was vibrating all along. I regretted not answering them cause they all had one thing in them.

They know Julie. They know about your secret.

She tried to tell me. If only I had answered the texts I would have avoided the shame of coming to school. Now I was a school clown and everyone else was laughing at me.

I fled the scene.

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I never understood why life had to be like this. Why high school had to be like this. Why one was boxed in in a certain group. Why we had the Cool kids, who acted like they were better than us. Why could we not be one and love each other?

No matter how cool I thought I was, none of the cool kids saw that in me. All they saw was a bookworm witch braces and a bad fashion sense. I did not even have a bad fashion sense. I just loved 90s grunge and they moved with the times. I watched in the corner as Jack Ryder and Tara Larsson strutted into the classroom, laughing out loud with no worries about a single thing in the world. Feeling all virtuous and confident.  It stood out you know and it got me thinking, maybe it was what most of us lacked, maybe we just needed to find it within us. The confidence, maybe it was in us and we just had to find a way to bring it out.
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I arrived home and ran straight into my bedroom. I grabbed my backpack and slashed each and every garment I could find in there. Everyone knew, the school already knew and it was only a matter of time till the principal called father.

I feared that a lot. Father was a strict lawyer parent. He had important clients in and out of the house all the time, he was very well respected and a lot of people came to him for a lot of problems and for that he had to keep a clean image and here I was, tinting his reputation. My secret could destroy all his life's work. It would cost him.

I did not want to do that to father.

I grabbed a piece of paper from his study and wrote a few things, telling him that I was going away and he should not worry because if he found out it would ruin his career. I put it exactly where he was going to look first. His study table in his home office.

I grabbed my bags and searched for my purse. I had grabbed everything that I could not live without. The money, I had in my account. Father was really generous when it came to my allowance because he thought I was responsible.

He never knew the real me.

I left the house and headed for the airport. Really I had no plan. I did not know where I was going or where I would end up, I just had a picture of a small town in the middle of nowhere. You know, those small towns in movies where a killer always runs to and start a new life. I wanted to do just that.

As I walked into the airport with my belongings and all, I sat on a beach. Drowning in my thoughts when I looked up at all the plane schedules on a board. The board had all kinds of names, names of countries, some I had never heard of.

Out of all the places I read on the list, one just stuck in the back of my head. One country I had heard not so long ago.

Netherlands.

That is the same country where the father of my baby comes from. I could go there and tell him about the baby, for once I would get something right. For once I would not have to live with a secret and I would tell him the truth and it will set me free.

I stood up and heard over to buy a ticket.