i've lost such a huge part of myself. it feels like half my heart has been slaughtered out, the blood reaching there has weaned away and turned to dust. i'm struggling to find myself again. i'm struggling to rebuild.
it's a painful process- being ill and having your mind and body devastated. you end up trying to recover using your own trembling bloodied hands, hoping and scouring for a way to bring everything back and hoping it will all come together again and beat with some semblance of life. but soon your hands ache because your blood is dry and your heart is cold and dying and so you stop. your hands hang by your sides and your shoulders are too weak and brittle to hold your forearms to your elbow, to your wrist, all the way down to your fingers nails. like i said, it's... a painful process.
it hurts so much. it hurts like water drowning in your lungs. it feels as if there's poison ivy growing behind your nose, your throbbing eyes, out your ears. the rash is sore to touch and hard to treat under your skin.
i'm crying. this rash has turned to agony. it's suffocating me, my heart feels like it doesn't belong in a human. it's too mangled. now my bones are wearing away in the cold. i'm falling apart.
i want to close my eyes forever and bring my agony to an end.
