FEAR Life (sporadic updates)

Chapter 15 - New emotions.

Chapter 15 – New Emotions.

As soon as I walk inside my house I lean back on the door and start to feel the tears leak out of my eyes. I should grit my teeth and breathe in and out, blinking back the tears, but I don't.

I can't.

I let them freely fall as I feel myself completely breaking.

I scream from the aggravation that’s been built up over the years. I scream till my throat feels raw and cracked. I’m going to be selfish and for once in my life, let myself go. I want to start afresh tomorrow and know that I will become stronger in the future because of this today. I’ve let myself get caught up in these tangled complications and I couldn’t resent myself more than I do right at this moment.

As I angrily wipe the fast growing tears away, I hear the window right next to the door break to thousands of pieces. I swiftly stand up and take out the gun I had tucked in my bra. The remaining tears blur my line of vision and my sadness grows to fear.

I could die right now.

But warmth surrounds me as a pair of arms wrap tightly around my waist pulling me in towards his chest. I punching the figure away in uneasiness.

“Stop punching me, it fucking hurts.” Decorus complains , trying to stop me from pushing him further away.

“Why are you here?” I kick his shin and take a deep breath as Decorus stumbles backwards from the sudden impact.

            “What does it look like? I’m trying to comfort you.”

                        “That’s great. Well would you look at that? All my tears are completely dry, you did a great job. Now since your idea of charity case is done, can you please leave my dwelling? “ I respond with a abnormal amount of sarcasm.

“Why do you do that to yourself?” Decorus shouts in frustration, looking up at the ceiling. It seems as if I was an everlasting puzzle to him.

“What are you talking about?”

“You force yourself to be alone. Other people run towards the end of their wallet for therapists in a quest to search solutions, but you refuse defiantly and do it all on your own. I just don’t understand why you do this to yourself? You don’t have to do this alone. All I feel towards that is ---“

“Pity,” I interrupt, completing his explanation. “I don’t need you meaningless pity. Give it to someone that needs it.”

‘That’s not what I’m trying to say.” Decorus shouts, a vein bulging from his neck.

“Crying makes you stronger; it’s a sign that you will move on someday. It’s not something you hold back, it’s something you let go. It doesn’t show how weak you are. It shows others that you are just one step farther in moving on from that point. He tries to explain to me once more.

“I don’t need your help.” I spit out in distaste, I don’t want to be treated like a child.

“Your damn pride is getting in the way of everything.” He tries to force that into my head, but my mind was closed far too tight to change now. I open my mouth, but he cuts me off immediately. He pulls me closer and forces me to look up at him. “I’m sorry, Anna. Ok? I’m so fucking sorry. I’m sorry that I kept those things from you. I didn’t mean to let it get so far that you would get rejected and hurt. I’m sorry...for everything."

I squeeze my eyes shut and rip myself out of his grip. “Why does this concern you?”

“It always has,” He mumbles under his breath. "Come on, Anna talk to me."