~ Can't You Help Me As I'm Starting To Burn? ~

Part 8

"Ryan?" I called softly from the doorway.

Ryan was laying on our bed with his arm covering his eye.

"Ryan?" I said again, softly.

He hates it when I talk too loud.

Says it's unnecessary.

Sometimes I wonder how I go from being, shy, timid, beat down Bella, to powerful, business like Bella.

It was like an alter ego I never knew I had.

"What?" Ryan said horsely.

"What would you like for dinner?" I asked.

"I don't care. Just don't burn it. Make sure whatever it is you soak it in salt." Ryan said.

"Too much salt isn't food for you." I said without thinking.

Ryan moved his arm from his eyes.

"What?" He said in a harsh whisper.

My eyes shot to the ground.

"Salt. Whatever you want baby." I said.

"Good. Now hurry up. I'm fucking hungry." He said.

I nodded quickly and went to the kitchen, making Ryan his favorite food.

Sirloin steak with potatoes.

The aroma was wafting through the house and I guess it got Ryan's attention.

I soon felt a pair of hands on my waist.

I flinched slightly when his hands passed over my bruised hip bone.

"I'm so sorry, baby." He whispered in my ear.

I didn't answer.

I was in shock.

"I'm so sorry that I can't control my anger and that I take it out on you. That's not fair and I promise I'm going to get help." Ryan said, kissing my neck.

I turned around and looked at him.

His eyes were so sad and he was telling the truth.

"That's great honey. I'm proud of you." I said honestly.

Looking at Ryan now, I saw glimpses of the man I had fallen in love with four years ago.

Back when he was loving, and protective and sweet.

Back when I never would've dreamed he would physically hurt me.

It all seemed like a lifetime ago.

I looked at Ryan again.

I looked deep into his green eyes.

Then Matt popped into my head.

What the hell?

I was looking into Ryan's eyes, and wishing they were Matt's.

That is not good.

Not good at all.

I can't like Matt.

I have a boyfriend.

A dangerous and suspicious one at that.

That didn't seem to matter though.

I could only think about the way Matt's eyes looked when he laughed.

How his dimples popped out whenever he grinned.

It was absolutely adorable.

I guess I can't really blame him.

He makes it too easy to like him.

He's sweet, caring, funny, protective, loyal to his friends, has the drive to do whatever he puts his mind to.

He's everything a girl looks for in a guy.

I looked back at Ryan and he was looking at me strangely.

I shook my head slightly to get the image of Matt out of my head.

I had to focus.

Ryan was finally being nice to me.

I didnt want to blow that.

"I'll support you honey. Whatever you want to do." I said with a smile.

Ryan grinned and pulled me softly to him, giving me a kiss.

"Thank you Bella. I'm not gonna let you down." He said with a grin.

I smiled, not wanting to say anything.

Ryan has said this before.

He always went back on his word.

And he always hit me again.

I don't know if he couldnt help it, but maybe it couldn't.

Maybe I just disnt feel sympathy for his problem because I was the one whose on the receiving end of his fist.

Ryan grinned and oulled me in for a kiss.

He was being gentle and loving.

Something I haven't felt from him in quite sometime.

I kissed him back, not wanting to ruin his good mood and set him off.

"I love you so much." He murmured against my lips.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him close as his arms went around my waist.

Each time I shuddered in pain, he apologized.

He bent down and pulled my shirt off, being careful when I put my arms up.

He kissed down my neck to my stomach.

He kissed over each bruise and scrape.

He was being so gwntle and sweet, it made me feel bad that I couldnt get Matt's face out of my head.

I pulled ryan back up and kissed him again.

I was so desperate to be in the moment and not think about my weird feelings for Matt, that I was actually going along with whatever Ryan was doing.

I knew where this was going.

But I didnt fight as Ryan led me to our room, and softly laid me on the bed.

Ryan was gentle the whole time.

Never going too fast or hard, a total contrast to how he usually is.

The bad thing was, the entire time, I didnt see Ryan.

I saw Matt.

So much for getting him off my mind.

If anything, this made things worse.

Way to have a plan backfire.

Great.

Now what am i going to do?