Too Shy?

Jealousy

My posting might be late for a while. My parents recently disowned me, and things like that slow you down. I'm 17 so I only have a year until I'm on my own. But I'm living with my boyfriend Chorey in Ohio right now. It feels amazing being back together with him, when I was 12 I moved to California from Ohio, and I'm finally back at what I still call home. Still dying inside though.

The councilor ran into the feilds and told everyone to go to their next class. We jumped down from the monkey bars and Jayden kissed me on the cheek before running off to his next class. "What class have you got?" I said as we grabbed our water bottles. "Low ropes." He sighed. "Same." I smiled as we started walking for the low ropes course. As we arrived the rules were explained and we were off on the obstacle course. We were not given saftey on this, let alone being 7 meters off the ground. We crossed a rope bridge and climbed up an old rope ladder. I helped Allen up to the top platform and stepped onto the ropesing like obstacle. It was a rope with a large knot on the bottom. There were 5 and stepping inbetween them was like a nightmare. I crossed onto the next platform and waited for Allen. He slipped on the last one and started to fall. I grabbed his hand and pulled him up onto the platform safely. "I just had a heart attack." He breathed heavily. "Me too. We're lucky I caught you." I laughed. After climbing the rope ladder we were about 15 meters in the air. So if we fell we would either die or break some bones. This was so dangerous. We didn't have harnesses or helmates. No padding or anything. The other people were struggling on the ropes. Nobody fell but, many almost did. I was hesatant to get on the next obstacle. It was a tightrope with another rope above it. I walked forward carefully and held onto the other rope over head. Allen followed close behind me. We got on the next plat form and glanced back at everyone else. The next one was a line of rope swings again. I moved across this one easily. "You got it?" I asked Allen, holding his hand as he nearly fell again. "Yeah. I'm okay." He panted. The next thing was just a rope bride without the boards that lead to the ground. I finished it safely and caught Allen as he fell. "This really isn't the safest class for you." I laughed. "Yeah I noticed!" He laughed as I set him down. We walked back to the starting point and met up with the councilor. "We almost died!" I frowned at him. "But you used teamwork, and you didn't die." He said calmly. I rolled my eyes and continued walking. I sat down on the bench and waited for the classes to switch. The councilor motioned us to leave. I waved at Allen as we walked in opposite directions. I went to the lake and sat down by the fishing shed. "Hello." The councilor smiled. "Hi." I panted. After running that whole course I knew I couldn't do anything for a few minutes. "You look exhausted." She laughed. "Guurrll I almost died." I laughed. "Let me guess, low ropes course." She smiled. I nodded in response as the other campers arrived. The councilor explained the saftey rules and normal rules and everyone got their fishing poles. I sat still and watched silently. About a half hour later we were told to leave and go to the cafeteiria. I walked silently away and started walking to the cafeteria. Allen ran up to me happily. "Whats up with you?" I grinned. "Nothing. Just in a good mood." He smiled and we continued walking to the cafeteria. We met Jayden standing impatiently at the door. "Took you long enough!" He snapped, grabbing my arm and pulling me inside. Allen didn't get any food, he just calmly sat down in the corner of the room. "Jayden. We need to talk. Away from everyone else." I frowned, pulling him out of the cafeteria. "What?" He said nervously. "If you cant straighten up your fucking act it is over! I don't want to be pushed around! I can have other friends if I want! I love you but you're not acting like yourself! You've become a total dick!" I shouted angrily. "Babe I jus-" he started crying. "No! I don't want to hear your pitty excuses!" I crossed my arms and stormed back inside. What I had said hurt me more than it did him. It was difficult to say it, but I had to. I didn't want to be in love with somebody who can't even controll themself. I got a salad and some almond milk and sat down beside Allen. "Where's Jayden?" He raised his eyebrow. "I had to break up with him. He was being a dick I had no choice. And the way he treated you. I just can't love somebody like that. He wasn't acting like himself. Before camp he was always so sweet shy and kind. Now he's just rotten." I frowned. I ate my dinner in silence and left the cafeteria without speaking to Allen. The more I thought about it, it was Allen's fault. I walked around to the side of the building and leaned up against it. I closed my eyes for a moment. I quickly snapped them open when I was pinned against the wall. I looked into Jayden's soft eyes, and the tears on his cheeks. "If its really over between us. I just need this from you. One last time. Before I kill myself." He said shakily. He kissed me and started to back away. I grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him back. I wrapped my arm around his waist and pulled him close. "If you kill yourself. I go down with you." I kissed him again. "Baby please forgive me. I let jealousy get to me. It will never happen again." He said shakily. "Already forgiven and forgotten." I grinned, kissing him. I couldn't help it. Normally I was hard to convince, but around him I'm just a push over. Allen walked around the corner, as soon as he noticed us his eyes filled with disappointment. A few seconds later the alarm rang to go back to your cabins. We stood in a circle in the middle of the cabin. "Okay we are going to do what we call an icebreaker. You say your name, 2 words that describe you, your girlfriend, or boyfriend in some cases, and your crush." The councilor smiled. "You go first." The councilor said pointing to the kid beside him. "My name is Alexander, I'm antisocial and fostered. My girlfriend is Jaycee and I do not have a crush." He explained quietly. We went counter clockwise around the circle. "My name is Jessie I am popular and buff. I do not have a girlfriend or crush." A tall boy texted on his phone "I'm Greyson, I am albino and extremely rude. My girlfriend is Hannah and my crush is Abby." The short albino boy stared into the middle of the circle. "My name is Allen but most people call me Al. I am gay and popular. I do not have a boyfriend and my crush is Kyle." Allen said from the top of his bunk. "My name is Kyle, I am gay and a badboy My boyfriend is Jayden and my crush is a secret." I smiled, staring at Jayden. "My name is Jayden. I am emo and gay. My boyfriend is Kyle which you already know. And I do not have a crush." He smiled in return. "Carson. Schizophrenic, and tall. I don't have a more girlfriend or crush." He said blankly. "I am Gage. Emo and bisexual. No boyfriend or girlfriend. And I don't have a crush." A tall skinny boy rolled his eyes. "I'm Chris. I'm your councilor. Creative and talented. I don't have a girlfriend, but I have a secret crush." The councilor said as everybody got their luggage for Sally Down The Ally (if you don't know what that is, there is a large circle drawn on the ground. There is another circle inside of that one. The boys stand inside the middle circle. And the girls stand outside of the outer circle. Somebody will approach somebody else and ask them to sally. You can not say no. You hold their hand and skip around the space inbetween the inner circle, and the outer boarder. Did I explain that well enough?) There was a huge concrete platform in the middle of the camp, so we knew where it was. I grabbed a grey shirt and some jeans shorts. I ran into the changing room before anyone else could. I got dressed and put my dirty clothes in my bag. As I started to climb up the ladder to my bunk Allen stopped me. "Hold on, can I talk to you for a second in private." He said, grabbing my arm and pulling me out of the cabin. He closed the door and turned to me calmly. "Kyle. Let me see your wrists." He started to cry a little. I stared into his eyes and he stared back. I hesatantly held my hands out and showed him my scratched and scared wrists. "Kyle why? How long have you been doing this to yourself?" He said shakily as tears dripped down his cheeks. Why was he getting so worked up about it. He just met me. "I don't like myself. And neither does anyone else. I've done it for 4 years." I started crying as well. "Kyle please. Promise me you'll quit. I. I know we just met but, Kyle, I really, really love you." He hugged me softly. "Allen. I... Love you... too..." I stuttered, realizing that Jayden was still inside. Before I could say anything else Allen kissed me. "We can't let Jayden find out about this." I whispered. He nodded and walked inside. I followed him and climbed up on my bunk. "Babe babe babe babe ba-" Jayden giggled, deciding to be obnoxious. "What." I muttred. "Hi!" He laughed. "I'm swear to god you obnoxious little fucker! I laughed. "Kyle don't say that!" Chris frowned. "Freedom of speech!" I shouted, causing everyone but Chris to bust into laughter. "What a savage!" Gage laughed. "You shouldn't have that freedom! Gays like you don't deserve rights!" He shouted in response. Everybody got quiet and the straight guys showed a kind of uh-oh expression. "What did you just say?" I laughed angrily. "Gays. Don't. Deserve. Rights." He stared at me daringly. Me, Gage, Jayden, and Allen all climbed down from our bunks. I slammed my fist into his head with a loud thud. Gage shoved him down, Jayden kicked his ribs, and Allen slammed himself down onto him. Before we knew it we were beating the shit out of him. We all stood up slowly. "Let that be a lesson. If you think you're gonna be a douche bag. Think twice." Gage laughed. Chris picked himself up off the floor. Everybody finished getting ready and left the cabin. Except for me, Jessie, and Chris. I silently fixed my hair and turned around. Chris pinned me against the bunk, wrapping his hand around me neck. "It's your fucking fault! You should have never pissed me off!" He shouted. Jessie stared worryingly as Chris kicked me. I didn't have back up. I was defensless. Or at least that's what I thought. I tried to peel his hand off my throat as he squeezed harder. Jessie saw the tears spilling from my eyes. Chris lifted me up by the throat, still pushed against the bunk. Jessie decided I couldn't fight him and threw himself into Chris. Jessie stood up and helped me regain my balance. He motioned me to run as Chris got up. I started to, but quickly stopped as a loud thud rang through my ears. I turned back to Chris. Jessie was on the floor, his nose was bleeding and his eyes were bloodshot. "Jessie!" I shouted as Chris raised his foot to stomp on his ribs. I tackled Chris before he could, and punched him. I picked Jessie up and carried him out of the cabin. I went back in and got my sunglasses and both of our sandals. I handed him his shoes as I put mine on. I walked away towards the huge concrete platform and put on my sunglasses as I walked. As soon as I got there I noticed Jayden and Allen in a huge fight a few feet away from the crowd. I quickly ran and jumped inbetween them. "Move Kyle. He knows you belong to me." Jayden snapped. I didn't move, I just held my eyes closed as tears dripped down my cheeks. "He's fucking mine!" Allen tried pushing me away. "Kyle! Why did you let him kiss you!? I love you Kyle! Are you just choosing to throw everything away!?" Jayden started crying. "I... uhh..." I stuttered nervously. "It's over. You really fucked up this time." He said simply as he walked away. I couldn't breath. "It's okay baby, you don't need him anyways." Allen said, picking me up. "No! Put me down!" I yelled. I pushed out of his grasp and shoved him away. I ran away from the crowd and into the feilds. I ran all the way to the fence. I knew what I had promised Allen. But I didn't care. I put the razor blade from my pocket and sat down. I leaned up against a tree. I slowly ran it across my wrists over and over. Adding 12 new slits to my scars. About ten minutes later I heard a firmiliar voice calling my name in the distance. Everyone in my cabin had set out to find me after I didn't return to the cabin at all. "Kyle!? Where are you!?" Jessie yelled shakily.