heartache // james yammouni

Chapter 21

A familiar car pulled up out the front of the shop, Daniel and James got out. When I saw James my heart started to ache again and I wanted to hug him and tell him how I felt. But I couldn't.

When my heart aches like this, it doesn't hurt, its more of a desperation, my heart beats faster and It's almost like that sensation that you get after you have pins and needles.

I stood up, Daniel came and gave me a hug, one of those protective hugs.

" What happened?" he asked me.

" Nothing, I'll tell you in the car" I replied just wanting to get home and not waste anymore time here.

We got into the car I sat in the front next to Daniel , James sat in the back, I didn't look or speak to James at all, I was scared what I might say or do, he also kept quiet. I felt bad for what I did to Ben, but I can't control my feelings and how they effect me.

" Are you ok? will you tell me what happened?" Daniel asked me as he began to drive.

" Ben and I, we were having a great date. Then he asked me to be his girlfriend....and I said yes..." I explained awkwardly, sisters don't talk to their brothers about their dates.

" Oh... and then what?" Daniel asked obviously not seeing a problem.

" I realised that I wasn't ready, and that if we got very serious when I go back home we would have a long distance relationship, and I didn't want that" I tell him, but that it wasn't the real reason, I thought about what to say while waiting in the ice cream shop, looks like this is working.

" Oh ok... Then after that?" Daniel asked.

" He was just upset, he didn't do anything, he just left" I reply fiddling with my hands.

" Good, because if he did anything to you, I swear i'll-" Daniel growls, but I cut him off.

" I know... I know" I say knowing that Daniel would hurt anyone who ever layed a finger on me.

" So that's it? nothing else?" Daniel asked.

" Yeah, that's all that happened" I reply.

" Are you sure you are ok?" James asked. I turn my head and look at his worried face, my aching heart starts to beat faster.

" I'll be fine" I say to him as my eyes become watery, but I fight the tears, I shouldn't cry it's stupid to cry, that's not how to deal with things anymore.

Moments later we arrived home, I walked inside not saying a word to anyone. I went straight up to my room, dumped my stuff on the floor and flopped on my bed. I sobbed into my pillow, I hated this, this whole situation, I want a way out of this. I remembered what I was thinking the other night about facing my problems.

Maybe that is the best thing do, maybe I should tell James how I feel, or just tell anyone about it, people always say talking about stuff makes you feel better. But that could just make things worse and ruin things. I feel like if I don't tell him i'll feel like this forever, but I can't handle the thought of what will happen if I tell him, i'll probably loose him as a friend and who knows what else it might effect. I just don't want to risk things, I know that James wouldn't say he feels the same way, I know he cares about me, but only as a friend, nothing more. But I don't want to deal with this on my own, I want to be able to speak about it with

Someone... just anyone, even if I don't tell them the name of who I'm talking about.

I continued to cry and think about all that shit for ages, I didn't even know how long it had been when I heard a knock at the door. I sat up, wiped away my tears and tidy myself up all in a matter of seconds.