heartache // james yammouni

Chapter 34

For a few seconds I sat silent thinking about my upcoming words and the possibilities of where they could lead. Wherever I end up, or how ever I end up feeling afterwards, I need to get this out, it's been building up inside for too long.

" I feel like I can't stay in LA anymore," I said, my body tensed as I spoke like I was in fear of something, and I am, fear of heartbreak. I decided the best approach to this would be to procrastinate like hell until I felt under enough pressure to confess.

" Why? You can't leave," James protested, but his voice wasn't harsh, it was soft and almost disappointed.

" It's- it's just the most stupid thing. Remember when you told me about that girl, the one you have a crush on," I said feeling brave enough to talk about this, but it doesn't feel like an awkward, uncomfortable situation, when I say I'm scared, I don't mean I'm scared of James. I feel almost relaxed and comfortable talking to James, he's always been like that, even though I can be very nervous in his presence. He told me he cares and that really helps your ability to open up to someone, when you know they care.

" It's not stupid if you are upset like this, and yeah I do remember that," he replied with a light chuckle on the end.

" I- I have a crush, on this guy, this amazing guy, and I just, can't stay around him any longer. I like him so much that it drives me crazy being around him and not being with him, like in a relationship way or just anything more than whatever the hell we are to each other. He's never going to like me back, he just doesn't see me that way, I feel so pathetic. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like my best option and way out of this is to just go home and somehow try, just really try to get over him," I vented my frustration very passionately and expressively. I was getting so caught up I almost forgot that he himself is that crush and he is listening to me. This isn't some rant in my diary that I can blurt out and shove into a draw to be forgotten later. This is James actually listening, absorbing my words into his memory, and him knowing all this, is changing everything.

" But how do you really know he doesn't like you?" James asked innocently.

" I know he likes me, but he doesn't like me in the way I like him. I mean why would he? I'm not interesting or fun or beautiful like the other girls out there. I feel so small and insignificant in his world and there he is, standing as such a big part of mine. I feel pathetic feeling the way I do about him, it's totally pointless, but it won't go away! He's never going to return the feelings, he's never going to see me any different, I'm no one to him! I'm just his best friends sister! I'm nothing and it hurts!" I went on, I rambled on like I was a volcano of emotion that had just exploded. I realized I had let a few words slip that could possibly reveal everything before I was totally prepared.

" Anna are you saying the reason you are crying is all because you like one of Daniel's friends? Best friends... like someone in the house?" James questioned me getting closer to the answer. My heart is beating fast as I look into his eyes.

" Yeah. I shouldn't of said anything, I- I'm sorry, I really shouldn't of blurted all that out to you, it's really stupid," I said hastily feeling embarrassed and regretting this.

" Anna, look, you are beautiful and amazing and the total opposite of a no one, you aren't pathetic, please don't think those things. They just aren't true," James spoke strongly, he had brought the attention away from the big question of who is it? to tell me that I'm beautiful and important, my heart was thumping like I had ran a marathon and my skin tingled like it was charged with static electricity. But there it was, a heartache in my chest.

" Please don't say those things," I said looking down avoiding seeing his face.

" Why?" He asked softly.

" Because it only makes it hurt more," I answered lifting my head to look him, I can't avoid his face forever, my voice croaked towards the end of my sentence.

" Anna, you don't have to, but will you tell me who it is?" He asked soothingly but sounding mildly desperate for my reply. I'm sure the curiosity is killing him. I want to hit rewind, I wish I never did this, I'm only going to end up heartbroken on a plane home. Just as I started to mentally plan an escape from this conversation, James reached out and carefully grabbed my hands and held them underneath his on the small space separating us on the lounge.

" Why do you need to know?" I asked him, I kept looking down at our hands, too nervous to face the pressure that comes with eye contact.

" Because... maybe I want it to be me," He replied in a soft whisper.

" What?" The word came out shaky from getting caught in my throat. The slight shock and my head spinning almost made it seem as if the words I heard weren't real.

" Anna tell me who it is..." James said softly and quietly. I blinked a few times and looked up so that my eyes met with his. I stared into his eyes, they looked so dark in this low light, I took a breath and held onto any courage I had before saying what I was about to say next.

" You..." I breathed out. That one word caused relief to pour out of me and leave my heart racing in anticipation for a reaction.

James removed one of his hands from mine, I thought he was going to back away from me, but instead he moved it up to cup the side of my face. He held me gently as he we drifted closer, I was feeling nostalgic and could barely comprehend what was about to happen.

His gaze flickered from looking at my lips then to my eyes before he completely sealed the space between us and attached our lips in a kiss. My eyes fell shut and I kissed him back.

The kiss wasn't a sloppy, open mouthed wet one, it was soft and dreamy. It was everything that I've ever dreamed of. His other hand that held my own moved so that our fingers would interlock. Once air was needed we pulled away from the kiss that lasted seconds, but felt like a lifetime. A good lifetime.

It took me a few moments to comprehend what had happened and get my lungs to work. I felt shocked, but a weird pleasant shock.

" Why did you do that?" I asked James feeling dazed, our hands and fingers remained locked.

" Really Anna? What more do I have to do? How can I be more obvious? I just kissed you and you still can't work out that I'm god damn crazy about you!" James spoke quickly and with a tinge of excitement, a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.

" Really?" I asked, it just slipped out.

" Yes Anna, really... you're so beautiful how could I have stopped myself from falling for you," He spoke softly and honestly, with a free hand he tucked my hair behind my ear and gently held the side of my face again like when he had kissed me seconds ago. In that moment, that second right there, I knew that I've been wrong this whole time and that it is possible for me to be loved back.

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a/n

kill me with a spoon it has finally happened I would just like to say YES OMFG YES.

no but seriously this is the moment I have been writing for OVER A YEAR FOR! YAYA

ok wow I'm really happy about this let me know what you think about this :)

AND OVER 30K READS WHAT THE ACTUAL? HOW? EXCUSE ME? I remember celebrating 100 reads like it was the best day ever now I'm just emotionally unstable and with this chapter aswell like whaaaaaat?

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- lexie