When Caroline and Nick first broke up Nick left a message for Future Nick should he ever want to get back with Caroline... Direct quotes from "Backslide" Season 1 Episode 22. Sadly Past Nick doesn't manage to get through to Future Nick which is idiotic in itself if there's one person you should listen to it's yourself...well, that's Nick for ya!
"Hello, Nick. You magnificent dumb-ass.
If you're watching this, it's because you decided to get back with Caroline. Well, congratulations, you idiot. She destroyed you. These, my dumb friend, are your tears. And you saved them all. Think back, Nick, or whatever they call you in your time. Who dumped you three times? Once before you had to speak at your brother's wedding.
This is a poem you wrote about Caroline* but you're too emotional to read it right now. You're going to give it to Schmidt for safekeeping.
Look at how far you've come, Nick. Want to be a bartender forever, pal? You want to be a grown man who dresses like an unsponsored professional skateboarder? You don't want to live like this. You're moving on. I'm here to tell you you're doing the right thing, so just keep going.
Hey what's the difference between me and Bill Cosby?
All right, well, look, I think this was a really nice talk, Future Nick. I hope you got something from it, 'cause I know that I did. (Cying): I'm gonna call her. I have to call
Now that I got your attention, Future Nick, there's a few things I'd like to talk to you about.
Be nicer to your mom when she calls.
Stop giving yourself high fives.
Put your head underwater, you two-year-old.
Be nicer to Coach, or he's gonna take off, live with a bunch of other white people.
(bad accent): I know fake karate.
I'm Nick, I'm grumpy. I'm going to put my baby hood on.
Sex is a sprint, not a marathon.
You are special, you are special ♪ You ♪
We'll see each other in the future unless I see you first.
Nick Miller!"
* The Poem: "Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? No, a summer's day is not a bitch"
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