RUSH. || Kuzaless [ON HOLD]

18° Cuddles

I ran up and hugged sir. I'm so happy he's okay! He groaned and pushed me back a bit.

"Ya can't do that, kitten. My whole body hurts." He told me, his voice quiet.

"O-oh. Sorry, sir." I muttered, pulling away and getting off of him. I put my head down, moving to the other side of the room.

I sat on the floor, watching him and Rick talk.

Rick came over to me, squatting down in front of me. "Hey, look at me." I didn't look at him. I kept my head down. "No one said you couldn't be near him, but you have to be careful. He's hurt, Chris. Alright? So go sit with him, just be careful."

I shook my head, hugging my knees. Rick sighed, picking me up. He carried me to sir's bed, sitting me down next to him.

I shifted to the side, making sure I was as far away from sir as possible. Sir reached over and gently kissed my head.

"How you feeling, kitten?" He asked, carefully stroking my hair.

I shrugged. I hurt, a lot. I haven't told anyone. Sir and Rick shouldn't have to worry about me.

Sir sighed, looking back to Rick. They began to talk quietly, sir continuing to run his fingers through my hair.

"How's your head?" Rick asked.

"They think it'll heal on it's own. It'll take time, though."

I looked up at sir. I didn't notice it before, but he had lots of cuts and scratches on his face and arms.

I didn't touch him. I was scared to  I didn't wanna hurt him.

Sir leaned over by my ear. "I'm coming home tomorrow."

I looked up at him, but didn't say anything. Yay! Sir's coming home. I can't wait!

"What's wrong?" Rick asked.

I shrugged.

"Kitten...tell me what's wrong." Sir told me.

I shook my head.

"Aren't you happy?"

I nodded.

"You wanna cuddle with me?" He asked.

As much as I did, I shook my head. I was bad, and stupid. I would end up hurting sir.

Sir said something to Rick, and he left, saying he was going to go get coffee.

He ran his thumb over my lips, kissing me lightly.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"Nuffin'..."

"Well, somethings upsetting you."

"No."

He pulled me closer, but I moved away.

"You think you're going to hurt me." He said.

I shrugged again.

"You won't. I promise. Come cuddle with me."

I shook my head again.

"Kitten, come here. I really wish you would cuddle with me." He said. "It would make me really happy...."

I scooted a tiny bit closer. He kissed my cheek, wrapping his arms around me. He pulled me next to him, resting his cheek on my head.

"Sir?" I asked, staying quiet.

"Yes?" He spoke into my hair.

"Is you gonna get rid of me? I don't want to stop living with you...." I mumbled. "B-but I understand if you don't want me anymore."

"I-I don't know, kitten. We'll talk about this another time. And don't think I don't want you, because I do. I really do, and I care about you."

"Okay..." I mumbled. "'m Sorry."

"No need to be sorry. You hungry?"

I gave sir a very small nod. I was still scared to ask sir for food. I didn't like asking for things.

"Okay. Rick's bringing coffee and food back." He said. "Have you ever had coffee?"

"No."

"Do you wanna try it?"

"Okay." I said.

I nuzzled his neck, wanting a bit of attention. I hope I don't hurt him.

He kissed my head again.

"How was your night with Ricky?" He asked.

Oh yeah! I kinda forgot that me and Rick played.

I smiled at sir. "It was fun...."

"Yeah? Did you get what you wanted?"

"Mhm!"

"Good." He said.

He seemed sad. Why did sir seem sad?

"Why are you sad?" I asked.

"I'm not sad."

"Mhm. You are. You're upset about something."

"We'll talk about this at another time." He said.

"No! Stop saying that! I wanna talk about it now!"

"Chris!" He growled. "Knock it the fuck off."

"No. I wanna talk about it now!"

"Fine! I'm annoyed because you claim to want me, but last night, you're giving yourself to Ricky. My best fucking freind!"

"W-what?" I asked. "I don't understand...."

He sighed, putting his head down. "N-nothing."

"You hate me..."

I got off the bed and ran out of the room. The door was straight down the hall. I could see it. I didn't want sir. I wanted daddy.

Daddy was right. Everyone hates me. Nobody loves me. I'm a stupid, worthless slut.

I ran outside. It was raining. I didn't know where to go, so I just picked a direction and kept running. People looked at me weirdly, and it made me feel sad. I don't wanna be here anymore.

Last night was nice, and I was hoping to see sir and have it be nice too. That didn't happen though. Sir hated me. He didn't want me....nobody did.

He's mad that I was with Rick. He's gonna throw me away. He told me I could!

I found an empty area, and I sat down. I hugged my knees and cried into them. Why won't anybody just love me?

It's all I want....

I just want to be loved, and cared about, and happy. And I wanna be punished for wanting any of that. I'm not gonna get it. I'm smarter than they think. I may not be able to read or write, but I've picked things up. I understand more than I let on. And I was stupid to even think I could ever be loved. I don't deserve to be loved. I don't deserve to be wanted. I hate myself for wanting it.

I just want to go back to daddy. I need to feel the pain. I need his punishments. I need my old life back. It's what felt right. It's what made me right.

I've been given way too much. I've felt way too much. I don't deserve the things I'm getting, or the way I'm being treated. I just want to go back to the way things were. I don't deserve a bed to sleep in. I don't deserve 3 meals a day, or clothes, or tv. I want it all back. Yes, it hurt, but it's who I was, and what I was used to. I don't deserve nice things. I want to be locked up in a cage at night. I want to be slapped around, and fucked, and beaten.

I don't want this life. It's not for me. I've was raised in something so different, that this life is so foreign to me.

I don't belong. Nobody wants me. Nobody needs me. I just want to die.

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I just bought the worlds strongest coffee lmao
I hoped it's as good as they say hah

Comment what you think/want to happen.

~Syn