unsteady [stiles stilinski]

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"I'm okay." Were the two words that convinced Y/N utterly otherwise. She couldn't actually see her best friend/sort of boyfriend, but she knew that from across the phone line Stiles was fidgeting nervously, biting his lip and perhaps blinking away the tears that glazed his honey brown eyes. 

"Stiles.." There was a silence as neither of them knew what to say next. Their relationship was confusing and bordering onto the 'awkward' label. 

The two had always felt something for one another, their affections soaring to an all new high when Y/N kissed Stiles to stop his panic attack a few years ago. 

However when he began dating a werecoyote, Malia Tate, all hopes of an official relationship seemed to die. Now though, Stiles and Malia had broken up after months of tension caused by his ongoing secrets that he hid from the whole pack. 

Y/N was the only pack member that truly kept in touch with the boy, and unlike the rest of his friends, suspected he was hiding something. 

Whatever he was hiding, she knew he wasn't going to be honest right away. But Y/N was willing to try, to try and to stop Stiles Stilinski from falling into a deeper state of worry and guilt. 

"I'm fine. I'm fine, honestly." He insisted from over the phone, seemingly trying to tell himself that. "I might not have any kind of supernatural second sense, but I can tell something is wrong. Please be honest with me." Y/N told him in a calm tone, although on the inside she was freaking out. What if something was seriously wrong, or he'd done something seriously wrong? 

If Stiles had kept this from his best friend and now ex girlfriend, it had to be major. 

"Y/N, there's nothing to hide! Worry about something else. Like maybe how Theo's turned my best friend against me." He yelled, his voice breaking a little. 

She paused, exhaling slowly. "What?" There was a long silence after she spoke, almost eerily quiet. That's when he ended the call, leaving Y/N staring at her phone in the darkness of her bedroom. 

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Y/N knocked on the door, her stomach filling with nervous butterflies at the anticipation of what was about to happen. She was determined to figure out Stiles's secret. 

After a few moments, Stiles opened his bedroom door. Different emotions flashed across his face one after another, finally settling on anger. It didn't seem like anger at Y/N, though, more anger at himself, or his situation at least. 

"Stiles.." She reached out to take his hand, grasping at thin air as he walked away from the door. She followed behind him and bit her lip as she took in the untidy mess of his murder board, far more 'unsolved' red string on it than usual. 

"Please, tell me what's going on." Y/N asked him, praying for the boy to turn around and talk to her. "What? What do you want to know?" He said angrily, turning to face her with a look of insecurity in his eyes. 

"Stiles, everything. You've been so distant recently, to everyone, not just me. You haven't been talking to anyone, you avoid the pack even at school..And you and Scott? What happened? Remember everything that happened at the motel that time, the bond you two have.. Should be, is unbreakable. Isn't it?" She told him. 

Stiles's eyes flickered with sadness at the mention of Scott. "Yeah well, just goes to show that no bond is really unbreakable, is it?" He said bitterly. 

"Your relationship with Scott is different, you know that." Y/N reached over and took his hand. "You can tell me, you can trust me Stiles." She said intently, her heart dropping as his eyes filled with tears. 

He sat down on the corner of his bed, his hand still in hers. "You know.. You know Donavan's dead, right?" He told her quietly, his voice shaky. 

Y/N nodded in reply, squeezing his hand."Uh, I was out by the school one night, fixing my jeep, and I felt something, like, bite my shoulder." Stiles winced at the memory, his right hand falling onto the afflicted shoulder.

Y/N remembered all the times Stiles had made an excuse for the shoulder wound, and mentally kicked herself for believing all of them. 

"I um, hit him across the face with my wrench, and ran into the school. It was really scary, he was literally right behind me. I managed to run into the library and hide behind some stacks, but he walked in anyway..He said some stuff, stuff about his dad, who was my dad's partner years ago. He was shot and paralyzed from the waist down on a case, while my dad stayed in the car, calling for backup." Stiles paused, and his brows furrowed at the memory.

He found me, threw me at the scaffolding. I managed to, uh, elbow him and climb up the scaffolding..He said.." Stiles stopped, his voice breaking off to a whisper. Y/N noticed his hands were shaking violently, and gently stroked his hair as an act of support, a gesture she would never have had the courage to do usually. 

"He said he would eat my legs. He um, climbed up and I saw a pin that was holding up the structure. I managed to pull it, and some metal bars fell down. I looked down, and one of the poles had completely impaled Donovan. He fell backwards, and, I just watched him.. Watched him die." A tear rolled down Stiles's cheek as he spoke. 

"I tried to call 911, but I just freaked out when they answered. I didn't know what to say or how to say it, so I just ran. I managed to start up my jeep, and I was just sitting there. I didn't know what to do, I couldn't tell my dad or my friends. I couldn't even face what had just happened." 

He was crying now, endless tears falling from his sad brown eyes. "Stiles, you have to know that you didn't kill him. It wasn't murder, it was self defense." She told him softly, squeezing his hand. 

"I feel like.. I feel like I've lost something, though. I don't know how to get it back." He told her, stumbling over his words. "You can start by forgiving yourself." She replied, and his eyes locked onto hers. His golden brown eyes bore into hers, and for once she could feel a sense of clarity amidst the hurt and confusion she had felt when Stiles started dating Malia. 

Y/N reached over and wrapped her arms around his neck, her heart leaping when he hugged her back. She breathed in his familiar scent, more full of love than she'd ever felt in her life before. 

Stiles seemed to return the affection as they stayed in each others embrace for a long time, although they both knew no amount of time was long enough, and they wanted to stay in each others arms for eternity. 

𝘩𝑜𝑙𝑑, 𝘩𝑜𝑙𝑑 𝑜𝑛𝑡𝑜 𝑚𝑒, 𝑐𝑎𝑢𝑠𝑒 𝑖'𝑚 𝑎 𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑡𝑙𝑒 𝑢𝑛𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑦, 𝑎 𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑡𝑙𝑒 𝑢𝑛𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑦.

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