Islands

45. A Whole New Island

It was pouring rain. I was drenched in my purple gown. I had no time to change. My suitcase was off to the side. I was hoping to God that if I knocked that my life wouldn't turn into a blaze of hell fire.

I knocked a couple times. I hated waking him up at 4 am but he never really slept he just sort of drifted then woke up an hour later. It was always so funny how this man never seemed to sleep yet ever since I slept beside him, he would try to or at least watch me sleep.

He opened the door after a few minutes. His hair disheveled, his face was unshaven, dark circles encompassed his eyes.
He was putting on a shirt at the same time as he opened the door. Once his head came through the shirt and he pulled it on, covering his abs, he looked at me with complete shock. His hand went over his face and his eyes grew wider. I felt like crying. I felt like falling on the ground, begging him to forgive me.

Mads took a few steps back, he then closed his eyes. He looked helpless, lost, afraid. His hands came over his face yet again and as his hands fell to his sides he let out a sigh. His eyes opened again. There was only me, standing in the rain on his doorstep.

Whenever Josh was angry at me, he would storm towards me. Mads stormed towards me but instead of a slap to the face, Mads cups my face in his hands and places his lips upon mine. It felt so good. So good, to be in his arms yet again. I wrap my arms around his neck and in that moment of pure bliss, I realized that he and I only needed eachother. Just us on one tiny island, to create our own world.

I had taken a warm shower then dressed in a one of his t-shirts. I took a deep breath and walked out of the bedroom with my eyes red from the constant crying. When I walked into his living room I couldnt find him but a sound from the kitchen made me calm before I could worry.
Mads held a cup of coffee in his hand, staring into space. His eyes were different, red, puffy, with dark circles. Was he sick?

"I'm sorry," I found myself saying this for the millionth time in just one night. His eyes shifted to me. Running a hand through his hair, he began to lean back against the kitchen counter.

"Stop saying that, you have nothing to be sorry about," he says sighing.

"I left, I didnt give you an explaination, I just ruined everything we had. I was so stupid...I don't expect you to forgive me-"

"Theres nothing to forgive. You did what you thought was necessary. Sure, I have no idea why but I will always be here for you. I can't not be here for you if that makes any sense."

"Can I try to make sense of it? Try to help you understand what happened? I need to tell you the truth."

"If that will help you, then yes. I just want to help you."

Mads puts down his cup of coffee and walks to me in one long stride. His hands grip my hips and suddenly something changes.
He looks down at my waist, his hands glide up my sides. His eyebrows furrow, his mouth becomes agape.

"Jesus! Elsker, I can feel your ribs. Are you sick? How are you feeling?"

I shake my head. I had lost so much weight in the last three months, from stress, from running, and eating less. Josh seemed to like it. I looked like a skeleton. I was sick indeed, but because the torment of not having Mads in my life.

"Let me get you something to eat or drink. Go sit on the couch, I'll be there soon," he says then kisses my forehead.

I go to the living room. I sit on the couch, curl my legs to my chest and lean back. I was so tired, so exhausted. After a few minutes of drifting off to sleep, Mads came back. He had a cup of chicken broth, which he held up to me. He knelt in front of the couch, helping me drink the warm broth. I felt terrible. After drinking all of it, like Mads had pleaded, he set the empty cup on the table and sat beside me.