Danny Saved My Life

The last straw

I walked out of the hospital crying my eyes out, they have just taken my newborn son away from me.... Let me go back a bit further so you can understand.

Seven years ago 

10.30 pm, Babe my waters just broke we need to go to the hospital. "have you got yours and Babys bag ready" Mike my ex-said  "Yes hun" I replied. "Shall we go now? " he asks  "No" I replied, "Remember I have to call an ambulance as I can't walk there the midwife wanted baby monitored straight away" "Oh yeah" so I rang the ambulance which arrived 7 minutes later  I told them the gestational age of baby and the fact that I was a high-risk pregnancy due to my medication Methadone (Methadone that's where all this started I tried to do the right thing for me and my unborn baby and get clean and ended up with social services involved )Then they asked if the hospital knew of this which they did as my Social Worker had very close contact with the hospital. I was looking forward to having my baby I was by far over being pregnant but at the same time I was shit scared, It wasn't the usual new mum about to give birth fear either it was the fact that I already knew sometime after she was born they were going to be taking her from me.

When I arrived on the ward the on-call midwife got me settled in one of the delivery rooms and put the CTG monitor on my little bump and said she would be back soon she just had to pull up my obstetric notes. She came back and said I see from your notes that we must notify your social worker when the baby arrives so she can arrange the removal of the baby but don't panic you will still have some time with her as she has to go straight to the Neo-Natal unit from here to be monitored for withdrawals as was discussed in your last specialist appointment. I will be back in a little while do give you and exam so we can see how far dilated you are, Ok I replied.

I looked at My Ex and said how can she tell us not to panic that we will still get some time with her before they take her, obviously she's never had a child taken from her it's kind of not possible to not panic

Fast Forward a few hours

Congratulations you have a healthy baby girl you can hold her for five minutes before we take her downstairs. Can I know how much she weighs before you take her, you sure can the nurse replies as she hands me, my little angel. I have spoken with the charge nurse and she has said that while little one is in the unit you are allowed to see her as often as you like and you can do her cares and you are allowed to breastfeed provided that the urine sample you provided comes back with no drugs other than methadone, sure I know it will come back clean when will the test be done i want to go and see and feed my baby while I'm still allowed to. It should be back within the next 20 minutes as I sent it nearly an hour ago    

Five days later 

I have been discharged from the hospital for a few days now and Miracle (that's what we named her ) is going to be picked-up today so we have to go up early for our final good-byes. We arrive at the unit and I walk over to her cot and there is a different baby in there so I went up to one of the nurses and said Where is Miracle she said didn't they call you she was picked up at 5.30 this morning, I lost it I dropped to the floor a bawled my eyes out, not only have they taken my baby but they have taken my chance to say good-bye 

Later That Night 

Smack, You should have done more to stop them, Kick,  you should have ... That's the last thing I remember before waking up in the hospital with a cracked skull fractured eye socket and dislocated jaw three weeks later I was allowed to go home. I walked in the door and he was sitting on the couch like nothing happened, that's for not telling the cops he says I have something for you for not narking on me. He pulled out a bag of white powder, I knew what it was and I didn't want a bar of it, I started yelling. That's the fucking reason we don't have our daughter you fucking moron between your drug taking and your fucking fists ( I knew I was in for it now ) that why they took her I did the right thing and got on the Methadone to get clean but you are such a selfish egotistical pig that you won't do anything to help yourself or us, that was it he grabbed the Machete by the front door and was chasing me I got out the sliding door and was running around the deck trying to get away hen I had had enough, enough of running, enough of trying and more importantly enough of living like this so I stopped right in front of him and said go on then do it, kill me, you know you want to but he just stood there frozen to the spot so I took the machete threw it at him and rang the cops. The cops took him away he got served a protection order and that was it I didn't have to worry about him anymore 

Fast Forward a few years 

Yay yet another night on the streets (get the sarcasm) I've been homeless for a while now I couldn't afford the rent without him and had to leave everything behind in Christchurch after the earthquake without I.D I wasn't able to get a flat so been on the street for so long now  getting attacked every other night getting drunks abusing me all night I don't really know how much more of this I can take so I moved from the CBD where all my new friends where and went to the suburbs but that was the biggest mistake of my life 

A few years time 

things have been going ok on the streets in the suburbs so I thought tonight I would let my hair down and have some drinks I meet some really cool people out here and thought they could come to my crash pad to have some drinks we were having an amazing night and slowing one by one everyone left to go home. Alone again, I decided to take a walk through the park across the road from where I slept and that's when everything turned to Shit, I got raped. afterwards, I went back over to where I sleep in the hopes I would wake up and it would be a bad dream, No such luck.

A few weeks later I had started to feel really sick but thought nothing of it I just thought I'd caught a bug from being on the streets so carried on as normal, two weeks later I started to get relly bad Stomach pains to the point I passed out and woke up in the hospital. The first thing the doctor said to me was Congrats love your pregnant, I said no no no I can't be pregnant so he did a scan to be sure. I was, I was five weeks pregnant with my rapists baby the doctor said everything was ok with me and the baby so I could go. after I left the hospital I knew the first thing I had to do was get off the streets I went to friendship house to see a social worker that helped homeless people and she got me into emergency housing that night for the first time in 4 years I was off the street that night as I went to bed I put my hand on my belly and said its ok little one it looks  like things are looking up