Just a Girl (girlxgirl) (Book 1)

Hearts and Roses

They betrayed me.

The tears I thought I couldn't cry anymore start to well up in my eyes that are buried in my pillow.

Both of them. They both betrayed me. The two people I trusted more than anything in this whole world betrayed me. How could they do that to me? They lied to me and kept secrets from me for weeks. What did I ever do to make them do that to me? Why couldn't Buffy just leave me alone instead of sending in her SPY to keep me out of trouble? I'm not six years old. I knew what I was doing. I still know what I'm doing. She didn't need to send Faith to spy on me and pretend to be someone I could actually talk to so she could tell it all to my sister.

I was just fine on my own. I was making my own decisions and doing what I wanted to. But they couldn't have that, could they? They had to interfere and force themselves into my life just to make sure that I didn't do anything they didn't approve of. That's something Buffy always does. She snoops around and tries to tell me what I can and can't do because she thinks she knows better. She doesn't though. She thinks she does because she's older than me and has done more than I have, but she doesn't. Buffy thinks that because I'm younger than she is that I won't know when to say when and stop drinking before I pass out or something. I do, and I would stop. But she doesn't trust me enough to know that.

And Faith... god, Faith...

Just hearing the sound of her voice in my head makes my stomach feel less than perfect.

How could she? How could she do that to me? How could she spend all that time with me and not tell me the truth? That the only reason she spends any time with me is because my sister forced her to. She never actually wanted anything to do with me. She never meant all the things that she said to me. She never wanted me the way I wanted her. She never really loved me like I loved her. Like I still love her. All she wanted was for me to trust her enough to let her into my pants and then she'd toss me aside like some cheap toy. Why would she do that? Why would she try so hard to hurt me like that?

Why? I don't understand why someone would want to hurt me like that. I didn't do anything. I'm not a bad person. I do more good things for people then most of the people I've met. What did I do to deserve to be hurt this badly by someone who means so much to me? I actually wanted Faith to be my first. I wanted to give to Faith the one thing I've never given to anyone and I could never give to anyone else once I did. So why couldn't she just tell me the truth and save me the trouble of falling in love with her like I did? I don't understand.

Worst of all, Faith slept with my sister and didn't tell me about it. What kind of person would do such a terrible thing? She should've said something the second I gave her that first kiss. But she didn't. Maybe Buffy's right, maybe she hasn't really changed and all she's really after is a good fuck. I just don't understand.

Suddenly, there's a gentle knock at my door.

I don't want to see anyone. Least of all my lying, bitch of a sister.

"Go away!"

"Dawnie? Sweetie it's me."

Willow... I don't even want to talk to her. She's probably just someone else my sister asked to help ruin my life.

"I said go away!"

A few seconds of silence follow my outburst.

"Buffy told me what happened and I was hoping you'd talk to me about it."

At least she's honest about the fact that my sister sent her. Not like Faith who lied to me and kept it a secret for weeks just to get into my pants.