Boarding School; Halsey

1.2

warning: this chapter may be triggering, if talk of suicide bothers you please please please do not read, your mental health is so much more important than my shitty book. to those of you that do read, i will be addressing the topic at the bottom. if you could read that, it'd be amazing. ❤

"I can't go to this school anymore."

"it's what's best for you."

"no, mom, you don't understand. I messed everything up. Everything is falling apart right now and I can't do it anymore."

"Karma, you'll be fine, tough it out. Just another week and you'll be home for Thanksgiving."

"okay. Bye mom, love you," i gave up on the conversation, knowing my mom wouldn't bend.

Being as it was saturday, i didn't have class. I hadn't left campus in a while, and i needed a break. I decided to go for a walk. It was a bit chilly, so i grabbed a sweatshirt and left. I loved fall weather. So much so that it's my favourite season.

upon returning to my dorm, i found a note on my door. Confused and intrigued, i pulled it off. "Karma" was written sloppily on the front of the folded lined paper, as if the person who wrote it had no time to spare.

something felt weird about this letter. I unlocked my door and walked into my room before unfolding it.

"Karma,
I'm sorry to have been such a burden on your life that you had to treat me the way you did, but you won't have to worry about that anymore. I wish the best for you.

Ashley"

I threw the paper on my bed and sprinted out my door and to Ashley's dorm. as i threw the door open she sat on her bed, a bottle of prescription pills in hand.

"did you take any of those?" i asked without an introduction.

"please go, karma" she muttered, her voice riddled with sadness and exhaustion. her face was covered in tears. my heart shattered.

"did you take any of those?" i repeated.

"Karma, leave," she muttered again.

"Ashley, I'm not leaving until i know you're going to be safe. Did you take any of those?"

"no," she whispered.

"good," i said beneath my breath as i took the bottle out of her hands. "where did you get these from?"

"they're my dad's. He had surgery last month and they gave him painkillers, he didn't take any of them."

"I'm not giving these back to you."

"why are you acting like you care?"

"because i do. I care so much."

"you've done nothing but hurt me the last few weeks."

"i know, I'm so sorry. I don't even know why i did it. I really do love you, Ash. I'm staying here tonight, i want to make sure you don't hurt yourself."

"i don't need you to babysit me."

"I just want to help."

"why didn't you help before?"

"i honestly don't know. And I'm so sorry. I wish there was something i could do to make it up to you. Please just let me stay."

"okay," she whispered.

I sat down next to her on the bed. I wanted to wrap my arms around her, but decided not to. She probably didn't want me to.

"Talk to me," I said, keeping my voice low.

"what is there to say? you know what happened. you did it."

"how did your dad react?"

"he's the reason my head is shaved and back to it's natural colour, and I'm not allowed to even go near Luna again. he tried to put me in therapy to 'fix' me."

"I'm so sorry," i said for the thousandth time. "i know i can't do anything to make it better, but i won't ever stop trying to."

"thank you for coming tonight, karma," she caught me off guard.

"anytime."

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wowowow okok so i feel that i can't write something based on such a sensitive topic and not address it.

suicide is a terrible, horrific, devastating thing. i in no way mean to romanticize suicide or make it look like there's a bright side to it.

if any of you are struggling with suicidal thoughts please do not take your own life. staying alive is so worth it, and if you ever need anything call this number (if you live in America, I'm sorry i don't know any other numbers for other countries) or don't hesitate to message me. ❤

1-800-273-8255

i love you guys.

also, unrelated but should i start doing a "question of the chapter" thing?? lmkkk