a daydream away // moey fanfiction

2 // meghan's pov

"There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it."

---

(Meghan's POV.)

The sun was now occupying the direct middle of the sky, the contrast between the clear blue of the sky and the vibrant yellow of the large star was very strong. I continued to stride down the dirt path with my head held low, my eyes flickering up at the sky casually every once in a while. It was nearing 12, which is when I told David I would be back. I sat on a large, nearby rock.

There was complete silence for 5 minutes. 5 minutes, 300 seconds, enough time for my thoughts to take over this silence.

I had to admit, I was feeling extremely shitty. Nothing was the same as it was 2 weeks ago. I couldn't look at anything the same after what happened.

I thought I would have been able to put all the pieces together by now, but the feelings I had acted as that one piece that wasn't quite the right shape. It hit me so hard in the chest, all I felt for those next few days was the ache of my beating heart, even if the words that were exchanged were all lies, or all truth. I still didn't know. All I know was that it was all real, no dreaming. It physically happened, now it's been 2 weeks and I still couldn't believe it. 

Either way, it hurt so much. It felt as though the presence of my emotions had sky rocketed, causing every little thing to throw me off. That's all it took. I was a wreck, a large ship with tattered sails and a leak that let in crashing waves of doubt and confusion, causing me to sink. How was I supposed to reach the surface again?

I got up after those 5 minutes, deciding that I would go back home now. Being alone wasn't something I needed right now. What I needed was a distraction from these constant thoughts.

I looked up to the sky, squinting at the light of the beaming, yellow sun. I wish I had that light inside of me right now. I just needed something to ignite that spark once again, but it seemed as though I'd ran out of matches.

---

"Hey, I'm home," I called, tossing my keys on the counter and slipping my shoes off. I shuffled into the kitchen to grab a glass of water. David walked in as I was swallowing the last bit of it. 

"Hey, are you ready? I was thinking we could get some smoothies!" He smiled. 

"A smoothie sounds really great right now." I agreed, putting my glass in the sink. I wiped my chin with the collar of my t-shirt before scooping my keys up again and following close behind David as he put his shoes on and made his way to my car. 

The car roared to life, the radio filling the car with sound. David flipped through a few stations before he was satisfied with the song, one that I hadn't heard before but obviously he had because he was humming along the rest of the way to the smoothie place. One string of lyrics really caught my attention. 

And if you're still breathing, you're the lucky ones.

'Cause most of us are heaving through corrupted lungs.

This girl's voice was extremely soothing, and it only gave the words more meaning. I would have to look it up when I got home. 

We parked the car on the street because the small 10-car parking lot was full. I put some money in the toll and followed David up to the entrance. I looked up at the glass window, peeking in briefly.

I felt my breath catch in my throat when I saw him.

He was sitting with Luke and Sawyer. His hunched back was turned to me, but I was still going to have to go in. I wanted to say something, but David had already opened the door, jingling the bell. I clenched my fists and took a small breath before stepping in.

I hung my head low to avoid eye contact. I could feel his eyes burning into the back of my head as I  stode up to the counter and croaked out my order. David looked at me, concern written on his face.

"You okay?" He whispered.

"Yeah, I'm just uh, going to go to the bathroom really quick." I said, starting to walk away before I finished my sentence. I spun on my heel and rushed around the corner to the bathroom. The men's bathroom door swung open and I skidded to a halt. I had to blink three times before I realized he was standing right in front of me. I felt so small, his eyes dropping down slightly to meet mine. I quickly looked away, already feeling uncomfortable. This is the closest we've been in a while. I don't know if that hurt or if it was a good thing. What I did know was that we were both standing there in silence. I broke the silence, cutting it like a knife when I said hello.

"Hey," it came out so weak I had to hold back wincing at myself. 

"Hey," he exhaled, his toned arms clenching slightly under the fabric of his t-shirt. 

I poked the inside of my cheek with my tongue, running through a few different things I could say and how he would react. Before I could even say anything, he added,

"You wanna talk?" His eyes widening slightly at his own words. What did that mean? Was he mad? Did he want to pick a fight with me or just have a normal conversation? Either way, I wasn't ready for that.

It's been 2 weeks since we've spoken.

I stumbled back a bit, I was positive that I would probably just dig myself deeper into my hole of disconnection. I shook my bangs out of the way of my vision, as I racked my brain for something to say. I knew it would come out all wrong before the words even left my mouth.

"Um, I was actually just going to the bathroom," no shit, Sherlock, "and then I have to uh, do a few things." I added, because he obviously wouldn't settle for my bathroom excuse. His face suddenly changed, his eyes sort of softened, the corners of his lips slightly dropping, not enough for me to tell if he was just relaxing his face or there was literal emotion behind it, though. I started to step towards the bathroom, but right before opening the door I decided I wanted to carry this conversation, but not in person.

"I'll text you," I suggested, another weight being placed on my shoulders as I shoved the bathroom door open and escaped his presence. The door slammed, echoing throughout the small 8x8 washroom. I pressed my back up against the cold, tiled wall and slumped my shoulders, that I then realized were embarrassingly tense the whole time. Why did this have to happen? We went from talking all night until sunrise to saying almost nothing at all. Hopefully I'll be able to explain myself, or just get some things off my chest tonight when I text him. I just don't want to risk ruining it even more.

I stood there for a good 5 minutes, staring at the opposite wall, not really processing anything in particular.

I finally made my way over to the sink, wet a paper towel and pressed it against my cheeks and forehead before drying my hands under the automatic air dryer. I left the washroom and, hopefully, some of my frazzled thoughts behind as I stepped back into the main seating area. I heard the jingle of the doorbell to see the back of Joey's figure almost running out into the parking lot.

I ended up falling asleep with his contact occupying my phone, like it was earlier today, before I could text him that night. 

-edited