If I Could Fly // H.S.

Thirty-Four

It's only supposed to happen when you die, but my life flashes before my eyes. Okay maybe not my whole life but every memory since Harry as I'm looking down on his stretcher. His eyes don't leave mine as we take in the moment despite that it's only surgery. The silence is comfortable as we attempt to avoid what's coming even though we have no way to stop it.

"It's going to be okay," I hear Harry say even though I should be the one comforting him. The irony makes me break a slight smile as I look down at my best friend, my rock, my love.

"I know," I smile at him reassuringly which he only slightly returns.

"I love you, Victoria. Please don't ever forget that," Harry looks at me pleadingly.

"Harry, it's just surgery. But I love you, too," I smile and lean down to kiss him. The kiss is soft and sweet and doesn't last long before I stand up and start to push the stretcher. Harry grabs my hand as we enter and doesn't take his eyes from my face. The nurses prep everything as Grace enters and nods to me as we put Harry to sleep. He gives me one last little smile, trusting me as he closes his eyes and goes into oblivion as we start the procedure.

I head up what's going on but Grace does a lot of the work since I'm shaking and can't bring myself to do much. Instead of doing the surgical things, I stand to the side and guide Grace on what to do. I've done surgeries like this many times but suddenly it feels like the first time. I keep myself composed for the most part but my mind is wandering more than I would like.

I like to say that you shouldn't live in the world of "What if?" but that doesn't seem to work right now. Instead of that, I'm doing the complete opposite. I try to push the thoughts away but here I am with all kinds of things that drive my mind wild. I don't break down, I keep composed as I direct Grace on what to do to keep Harry alive. Since Grace isn't quite the expert, she gets confused with some of the things I ask her to do so I step up and take her place. I push all thoughts away and forget who's in front of me as I continue the surgery.

***

"Hey, how are you feeling?" I ask from the chair by Harry's bed as he opens his eyes.

"Hey," his voice is groggy and tired as he scans the room. The surgery went well and it's been a few hours since we finished. I have stayed by his side since to make sure he has everything he needs. Despite everything that could've gone wrong, Grace and I controlled it well and there was nothing major. "I'm alright, still a little bit of pain but that's inevitable," Harry jokes to lighten the mood.

"It's just like you to joke about pain," I laugh and roll my eyes.

"It isn't too bad," he winks, "I told you it would be okay."

"You were right, it's perfect. Any ideas to pass the time today?" I ask while looking around the room for exciting things to do.

"I've got a pretty good plan actually," he chuckles before nodding his head to the board games that somehow showed up in the room. I must have not noticed them because I definitely don't remember seeing them. "Oh come on, please?!" Harry begs when he notices my hesitance. I roll my eyes at his childish behavior but get up to grab them anyways.

"What is it with board games that intrigues you so much?" I chuckle as I set the pile of games next to him on the bed. He smiles and sits up slowly so that he doesn't mess up anything connected to his body.

"It's only with you," he winks before picking up the deck of cards and a giant paper bag of a variety of candies from the gift shop downstairs. I give him a confused look that he ignores before dealing me half of the deck. I have no idea what we are playing as he just looks at me, waiting for me to play the game.

"Could you by any chance explain what we are playing?" I raise my eyebrows at him and he smirks.

"Blackjack, but with candy of course!" He explains as though it should be extremely obvious. This causes me to laugh extremely hard. It isn't even that funny but here I am laughing like the crazy person I am. Maybe it's because I was up all night waiting for Harry to wake up but that's not important. We jump right into the game and each win our fair share of games until the candy is gone from the bag and we are bored.

"Do you remember who won more games?" I say while eating a wax bottle.

"No clue," he chuckles as he eats a gummy worm. Today doesn't seem like a day to be competitive so we don't mind not knowing who may have won the many games we played. Although it's the middle of the day, I am extremely tired which I can account to the fact that I have been up for about 38 hours without so much as a nap.

"You look tired, I can turn on a movie if you wanna lay down for a little while." Harry smiles at me and motions to the couch. I happily take up his offer as I briskly walk to the closet for blankets and pillows. Harry turns on a Bug's Life and after laying down, I watch it for a few minutes before turning my back to it so I can get some sleep. The sound of Harry's soft laughter every few minutes and quiet background noise, I am pulled into a much needed, deep sleep.