The One That Got Away ✔

Chapter Seventeen

When Freddy was thirteen, he began demanding answers about his father. He had always asked questions but not like this. When he was little, I used to give him simple bullshit answers. I would look him in the eye, smile, and say something like 'most kids need two parents because it can be difficult raising a child...But see, you have never been difficult, so you only ever needed me'. He didn't accept that response any more.

"Where's my father?" He asked.

"Are you hungry?" I dodged the question while walking through our home.

"I'm not a baby! You can't shut me up with material things anymore" Freddy retorted, his eyes cold and his jaw clenched. We stood in the kitchen with a violent thunderstorm in the background. "I don't care about your money, mum, I don't care how much of it you have or how much shit you can buy. There's not enough money in this world that could keep me from knowing my father!"

What kind of monster keeps a child away from his father, and a man away from his son? I used to wonder that when I was a kid but as an adult, I realize exactly who that rachet person is - a desperate mother who was afraid of losing her baby. Nowadays, I wonder how long it will take me to truly forgive myself for what I did. Perhaps when I see Kyle again? Maybe then the guilt will go away? Its always until next time with Kyle and I.

"You don't need to know" I assured him slowly, my voice low and my eyes welling up with warm salty tears.

"I have every right to know! He's my father" Freddy threw his arms in the air, his voice loud and dangerous.

"Why would you want to spend time with an irresponsible teenager who you've never known?" I folded my arms.

"He's my father!" he furrowed his brows, "you never knew yours growing up, don't you think I deserve to know mine?"

There was a moment of silence as I looked deeply into my son's eyes. He has so much of Kyle in him, I can see it. Unfortunately, he also has my stubbornness and my temper. That paired with Kyle's intellect and maturity is a dangerous combination. I just knew that it would get him into trouble someday.

"No, I don't" I admitted.

"How can you say that?" He clenched jaw.

"He's nothing more than a sperm donor" I raise my voice, "an irresponsible teenager who got me pregnant, nothing more, don't you understand that?"

"Mum-" Freddy begged.

"I'm just trying to protect you" I sighed.

"There's nothing that I need to be protected from" his voice was now quiet and filled with empathy.

I looked down at my heels and nodded to the ground. That day, I told him the whole story, right to the point when I last saw him. The only reason why I told him was that I remembered what it was like growing up without a father; not knowing anything about him, not knowing what he looked like, not knowing his name. I guess it's true what they, we all end up just like our parents.

"What's his name?" Freddy's head was in his hands.

I inhaled deeply. I hadn't said his name out loud in years.

"Kyle Danson" I announced.

There was another minute of silence as we sat beside each other on the couch.

"Are we anything alike?" Freddy looked up at me.

I remember smirking when he asked me that.

They both have that look in their eyes, that look can make me do anything, including forcing me to travel nineteen hours to Beverly hills.

"How long until we're there?" I look over to my son.

"My phone says fifteen minutes" Freddy responds, his eyes on the road.

I feel my heart beating violently within the chambers of my chest. "I think I'm going to be sick" I admit.

"Don't be mellow dramatic" He rolled his eyes.

"This is hard enough without your snarkiness, Freddy" I firm my gaze at him, my arms crossed over my body.

"Well, you should have thought of that before" he flashes me a smug smile before looking back at the road.

I look back out the window in annoyance, "what did I do to deserve to deserve this?" I mutter.

"Let see, you hooked up with some guy at the back of his dad's car-" he starts.

"Watch your mouth" I order, "and he wasn't just some guy"

"Then who was he?" Freddy cocks a brow. "From memory, you used to refer to him as a sperm donor."

I rolled my eyes.

In truth, he was the love of my life. My first love, in fact - well, how much do teenagers really know about love? I felt as though if Freddy knew how perfect his father actually was, he would leave me for him and I couldn't take anyone else abandoning me,

"The one that got away" I sigh, "the man that I was probably supposed to end up with if I wasn't so damn stupid"

Freddy looks back at the road and doesn't say anything more.