Faking hope (BoyxBoy)

chapter 8: breakdown

This chapter is very important.. After this chapter, there will have two other chapters before the end of this story. Thanks for reading it.

"What are you talking about? If Alex was dead, I would know it! I am NOT crazy!" I shouted anger in my voice.

"Sweetheart... He died at the hospital. The doctors weren't able to save him... You have to stop lying to yourself... I remember this day as if it was yesterday... It broke my heart when I saw how affected you were. You... You were crying in your room... You were saying repeatedly that you missed Alex and that everything was your fault. You were destroyed and... The next morning you were acting as if nothing happened... I thought it was just a phase but... It's been six years... Six fucking years. You have to stop this now." My mother said slowly, tears in her eyes. She looked worried about my reaction, her hands were shaking.

"Stop. Saying. That." I whispered as I got up and walked slowly toward the door. I wanted to escape; I wanted to be with Alex. I needed it. I needed to be sure that I wasn't crazy. "You may not like him but I do... I... I love him... I can't believe you're lying to me. I... I thought you loved me... But I was wrong. You're as cruel as the people at school..." I murmured, tears falling freely on my cheeks. 

"You are hurting yourself! It's been six years! Losing someone we love is not easy, I know that. I know it's hard for you because he was your only friend and boyfriend but you need to move on. It will be hard at first but I promise you that you will feel better in the future. It will take time but you will feel better. Believe me. I will always be here for you." She said walking slowly toward me. She was crying.

"He's alive!! SHUT UP!!!" I cried hysterically before opening the door and I began to run toward Alex's house. I ignored my mother when she called me and began to run faster when I saw that she was running after me. 

Luckily, Alex didn't live far away. I opened the door and ran into his room without paying attention to the house. If I had watched the furniture, I would have seen everything was full of dust. I opened his door roughly. Sadly, his room was empty. Worse, there was dust as if nobody went in there for years. I let myself fall on the floor and I began to sob harder. Where was he? I didn't want to be crazy. I knew I was not crazy, I knew he was with me a few hours ago. I knew it. A few minutes later, I heard steps in the stairs then someone hugged me from behind.

"Calm down, it's ok... You are ok. I promise you that everything will be alright soon. I will always be there for you." My mother whispered in my ear, hugging me tighter.

"Mum... Why? W... Where is he?" I asked as I hugged her tighter.

"I think you know where he is..."  She said quietly.

"That is not possible!! He promised me he wouldn't leave me... It... No... Please.. Tell me it's a joke..." I begged as some tears fell on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry... Come with me, please. I have to show you something. I hope you will feel better in the future... But I know how you feel... Believe me." She whispered and took my hand leading me out of the abandoned house. 

We walked for about ten minutes but I wasn't paying attention to the destination. My thoughts were about Alex and my mother. What would I do if she was telling the truth? I couldn't live like that. It was impossible, he was my only love.

"Here we are..." 

I looked up and I saw that we were in front of the cemetery. I began to walk slowly, looking at each grave but none of them had Alex's name on it.

"He's not even here... I knew she was lying to me... That's just bullshit!" I mumbled to myself, walking a bit faster.

I was looking at an old grave while I was walking. Sadly, I didn't see the grave in front of me and I fell on it, hurting my elbows in the process. I rubbed my now bloody elbows as I looked from the corner of my eyes the grave I felt on. I began to shake as I saw what it was written on it.

"Alex Constantin, 1996-2007, loved by everybody, you will be missed."

I couldn't breathe anymore, I was shaking and crying as the memories came back... The memories that I thought were nightmares...

I was in the hospital, waiting for the doctors to call me. My mother was next to me, looking at me with worried eyes. I needed to see Alex; I was so worried about him!  A doctor finally came a few hours later, a serious look on his face. I didn't wait for him to speak; I was already running in Alex's chamber.

"Alex! Oh my god! Are you okay??" I cried out, completely panicked.

He nodded weakly, tears in his eyes. I sat carefully next to him and took his hand into mine.

"I... Babe, I'm sorry... I promise you that you will never be alone... I don't have much time but... Remember that... I love you..." He whispered as he closed his eyes slowly. 

He was hurt because of me. He went to the hospital because of me and was killed because of me... Everything was my fault and he wasn't even mad at me...

"It's going to be okay sweetie. Calm down, you're going to do a panic attack..."

She took me home and looked at me with worried eyes as I went into my room. I was acting as if I was a zombie. I jumped on my bed and cried harder. Why did she tell me that? I was perfectly happy like that... Now, I was alone in this stupid world.

I heard the door of my mother's room and I knew she was going to try to sleep. I waited a few minutes before walking down the stairs, going in the kitchen to take something before running to the cemetery. I needed to see Alex. I couldn't control myself anymore.

I sat next to Alex's grave, still crying and I began to write a letter with the paper I took in the kitchen. I wrote everything, almost everything.

"I'm sorry Alex. Believe me... I didn't want to kill you...  Everybody hates me at school... My father hates me... And I just learnt that I also lost you... I... I can't live like that... You were my rock... I'm... I'm sorry." I murmured to the grave. "I hope we will have our happy ending even if it's not on earth..." I whispered a sad smile on my lips.

I took the knife that I brought from home and cut deeply my wrists then I laid down on the cold grass, being careful not to put blood on Alex's grave. I watched the drops of blood, slowly falling on the grass.

I closed my eyes and smiled at the thought of seeing Alex again. Soon, everything would be okay. I would be okay. I was holding the letter in one of my hand, trying not to drop it as I felt myself slowly drift into a peaceful sleep.

♂+♂=♥

There is again two important chapters before the end of this story...

Thanks for reading it, it means a lot.