Reawakening

Chapter Eighteen

Marlene

I sit alone on the roof.  Alone... it's fitting; I feel so alone in everything Uriah just told me.  I promised Four I wouldn't breathe a word of it to anyone, and I intend to keep that promise, but that just leaves me with so much  just... swirling around in my head, crowding out every rational thought.

Is this how Uriah has felt the past few weeks?  And Tris, too?  After that whole confession of Uriah's today, I do believe him at least about his feelings for me.  Four's reaction made it clear that he does really care about Tris-- he's probably in love with her, actually.  He didn't say so and probably doesn't even know it yet, but I saw the look in his eyes when he imagined watching Tris die.

"There you are," says a familiar voice from behind me.  Edward soon plops down next to me.  "Where did you go?  Is everything okay?"

I don't answer for a while, and he doesn't push me.  That's one of the things I love about my friendship with Edward-- he seems to know when to just wait and to allow the silence.  I lay back on the roof and stare at the stars, and Edward soon does the same.

"Uriah is in love with me," I finally say, "but it's... it's just all really complicated."

"Because of Tris?" Edward asks after a pause.  I'm not sure how to answer.  It does have to do with Tris, but not in the way that Edward is thinking, and I promised not to tell him about the issues that are making this so complicated.

I shrug.  "Sort of... but not like that.  Uriah and Tris really are just friends, it turns out.  I guess everything-- that they were never together at all, that Tris actually does want to be friends, I guess-- was the truth.  There are just... some things that they have been through together, as friends, and I don't know if I can... get past it all, I guess.  I'd really like to talk to you about it but I made a promise-- to someone else involved in the whole situation-- that I wouldn't."

Edward turns his head to look at me.  He has beautiful blue eyes and his hair is messy in a really cute way.  Right now... right now I wish  that things could work out that way for Edward and me.  He is handsome, smart, and he 'gets me'.  It would just be so much easier, so much less complicated, than this mess with Uriah.  Unfortunately, I know that there's just nothing there between Edward and me.  Friends is all we will ever be.  I guess sometimes love isn't easy.  Sometimes, it's something you have to fight for.  Maybe the fight is what makes it really worth it.  Maybe it will make us stronger.

"If you need to talk about it, I promise not to repeat anything you say," he offers.

God, it's tempting.  It really is.  It would be a relief to just let the words all fall out of my mouth, to have someone to help me talk it through.  I won't break Four and Uriah's trust like that, though, no matter how badly I want to.  I shake my head.  "I really can't," I whisper.

Edward sighs.  I know it isn't irritation that he doesn't have the latest gossip; he's just concerned about me.  "Did you tell Uriah that we aren't together, I hope?"

My eyes shoot open.  Oh God, I didn't, did I?!  "No, I was distracted and... didn't think to."  My voice is a little shaky.  I can't believe I didn't tell him that!  And right now, I am just not ready to face him again.  "I guess I will just have to tell him when I'm ready to talk to him again," I sigh.

"Well..." Edward trails off.  "If you change your mind, I'm around.  C'mon, it's getting late."  He stands and holds one hand out to pull me up.  "We should get back to the dormitory."  I smile and accept his hand, but as I walk back with Edward, I'm starting to feel really badly about making Uriah so jealous.