Autistic Innocence

Chapter Thirty Nine

Jason's P.O.V

An hour and a half.

It's been an hour and a half and I still didn't know where my son was.

My head was pounding from crying so hard, my eyes felt swollen and my face was wet from both sweating and tears.

I stumble over a leg of an old tree and fall.

But I don't get up. 

I can't.

I lay there, crying and sobbing, feeling completely broken inside.

Then all of that sadness turned into pure anger and hatred.

I turn around and hit the tree trunk over and over again, not caring about my now injured and bleeding hand because my son wasn't with me.

My son wasn't with me because he thought I didn't like him.

My own son thought I hated him.

Nothing could make me feel any more guilty.

My heart felt so heavy in my chest that I felt like I was carrying a bullet proof vest.

No vest could protect my heart from this though.

This, now this was torture.

"God, I promise you," I sobbed.

"I promise you, if you give me my little boy back, I'll be better. I'll do good," I gasped for air. "I won't ever make him feel unloved again, just please keep him safe!" I looked up and screamed at the dark sky, just hoping someone was actually there.

"Where are you? Huh? Are you even real or am I just talking to myself?" I cried into my hands.

"Can you hear me?" I wiped at my cheeks just to have more hot tears replace them.

"Do you see me? Huh? Where is my fucking son at?!" I scream and hit the tree again before I completely break down and slide down the tree trunk using my back.

"I just want my baby boy." I whisper.

"Please... just send him back to me.. please."

All of a sudden, I feel an extremely strong urge to get up.

Like someone was telling me to get up.

I shake my head, feeling like I'm going crazy.

I feel it again.

"I'm losing my mind." I whimper and clutch my head in my hands.

And then again, this time stronger.

I decide to go with this gut feeling and stand up.

'Run'