Next To My Heart (Zarry AU)

Part 13

Soon enough Harry discovers that ignoring something until it goes away doesn't work. Or he just figured, ''if I don't think about the wedding, I won't worry about it.'' That tactic actually worked until, you know, the day of the wedding arrived.

Which is today.

Today's the wedding.

''Today is the wedding,'' he tells himself, lying starfished on his bed. Saying it out loud doesn't help with anything, but it does prompt him to get up and out of bed. He'll have to look presentable and make sure he has all his gear, even if he carefully stashed it away in a bag the previous night.

Breakfast goes down more difficult than he expected. His throat feels dry and there are nerves bubbling in his stomach. It's a lot of responsibility, taking someone's wedding photos. Even Liam's reassurances that his sister, Ruth, doesn't ask for much, seems to have less effect the closer he gets to the actual event.

And then there's Liam and Zayn.

Seeing them at a wedding makes everything so much more real, and painful. Their relationship seems to be headed that way, to marriage and children and growing old together. With Harry watching everything from the sidelines. Watching the person he wants to be with be happy with somebody else. But at least Zayn would be happy. Zayn is happy. Harry isn't sure if he's ever seen Zayn angry or sad, and realises he doesn't want to.

Harry isn't sure how he managed to fool himself, because it hurts. He thought he could lo- care for Zayn, could accept his situation and move on. Boy, was he wrong. There is no telling how long it will take for his feelings to go away. If they ever do. And if, how, because he can not imagine them fading on their own. He doesn't want to think about anything bad happening, or maybe never seeing Zayn again. Those things sound more scary to him than Zayn never loving him back.

Oh. He thought it.

Zayn loving him back.

That sends his thoughts down an entirely different path, because, does he love Zayn? Then he's thinking about his previous relationships, how in none of them he felt like this, like he needs the other person and just the thought of them not being there scares him. Actually terrifies him.

Harry has honestly chosen the worst time to realise all this, staring down into his cereal bowl with his hair still drying, not fully dressed. It makes him feel naked and miserable. With a sigh he shovels down the rest of his cereal, wincing when it drags down his throat. It's fine if he gets hungry later on. He's getting paid in food anyway.

He lets himself mope and be miserable while he gets dressed, going for simple. Black slacks and his favourite silk blouse. Also black, but that's fine. He's supposed to blend in. It also saves him from having to buy new clothes. Even better.

A few minutes later he's spraying on cologne and shouldering his bag, ready to leave. Or, as ready as he can be. Physically, he's ready. He just has to suck it up, and do this.

He's still standing in his hallway.

Until someone knocks on his door, forcing him to open it.

''You ready?'' It's a very excited and nicely dressed Liam. He's wearing a light grey suit, which only brings out his tan more, making him look as if he was sculpted by the gods. Probably was, lucky bastard.

''Yeah.'' Harry's expression must convey the opposite, because Liam's grabbing his shoulder and forcing their eyes to meet.

''You will do great.'' Liam glances down at Harry's shirt. ''And do up one extra button.''

''Liam,'' Zayn sighs from where Harry can't see him. ''Leave him-'' Harry finally steps out of his apartment, closing the door behind him. ''Actually, make that two buttons.''