Six Feet Under the Stars

If I Could Manage Not to Fuck This Up

A few weeks passed and for the first time, Alex actually followed his therapist's advice. It was hard but he managed to try to ignore his anxiety and talk to Jack as much as he could. Jack found a love for astronomy and they began to bond through that. Slowly, Alex began to consider Jack his friend.

"Hey buddy," Jack smiled as he walked into class.

"Howdy," Alex replied.

"Dude, I'm from California, not Texas."

"Shut up." He laughed.

"So hey, I was thinking, maybe we should go out this weekend. I really need some new shoes. These things are falling apart and I have no idea where anything is in this town."

"Alright, sounds like fun." Alex tried to play it cool but inside he was bursting with joy. He couldn't remember the last time he went somewhere with his friends for fun.

Jack wrote down his phone number and told Alex to text him. That night, they set plans for Friday. Alex could not wait.

As Alex got ready, he made sure everything was perfect. He checked his hair in the mirror about twenty times to make sure it was just right. He made sure he had his phone and enough money in his wallet and slipped both into their respective pockets. Then he adjusted his shirt. He wore a blue and gray flannel with black skinny jeans and converse. Suddenly, he felt his phone vibrate and saw it was Jack. It was time.

He said goodbye to his mom and Emily and ran out the door, making sure to lock it behind him. He didn't need any incidents from his dad today. It was going to be a good day. He saw Jack jamming out in his car and couldn't help but giggle to himself.

"Hey, Alex!" Jack said as he lowered the music.

"Hi!" Alex replied, climbing into Jack's car.

"Alright, so, how do we get to this mall?"

Alex gave Jack the proper directions and they got to the mall in one piece. First, they went to the food court. As they ate they joked around and got to know more about each other. Alex learned more about Jack's old life in California. He had a brother and a sister, Joe and May, but they were both in college. He lived with just his dad and they had to move because his dad got a better job offering in Maryland. He found that they had a similar taste in music, sharing the same favorite bands, and their friendship was quickly growing. Alex was nonstop smiling when he was with him. He never connected with someone so easily.

Afterwards, they went to Journeys so that Jack could buy some new converse. Suddenly, it was happening. His heart was beating faster, he was sweating, shaking, and he couldn't breathe.

"Alex, is everything okay?" Jack asked with great concern, but Alex couldn't answer. Everything around him was spinning. Jack didn't say anything else. He just guided Alex out of the store, out of the mall, and to the safety of his car. He sat in the back seat with him until he could function again.

"I-I'm sorry," Alex said, nearly crying.

"Don't worry about it. You need some water?" Before Alex could even reply, Jack was handing him a bottle and Alex took a sip.

"I've been avoiding this but I guess you should know... I'm really fucked up, Jack..." Alex said, head down.

Jack put his hand on Alex's shoulder. "I've been there. It's not your fault, alright? You need me to take you home?"

Alex was upset that his perfect day was already ruined but he nodded.