Six Feet Under the Stars

Welcome to My Life

Alex slammed his hand down on the snooze button, groaning and almost crying at the thought of another torturous day. The people around him just didn't get it. They didn't understand how hard living with his cocktail of mental health issues really was. He assumed it was because he was just another normal kid. He got pretty good grades in school. Sure, he wasn't top of the class, but he was no where near the bottom, either. He had friends, too. He wasn't drowning in them, but he had a few close friends to call his own and he saw them every once in a while. Sometimes he got one bad grade and the whole world came crashing down. And sure, he hated his dad, but it wasn't like he was living with Hitler or something. And yeah, he got uncontrollably anxious over the dumbest shit sometimes which led him to have stupid paranoia about crazy shit. And then he'd be depressed because he hated himself and wasn't sure who he even was and it led him to be suicidal. But he couldn't die because his mom loved him too much.

But let's not jump too far ahead.

Alex dragged himself out of bed because he had to go to school. He hated everything about school but he had to keep his grades up. He would be the first generation in his family to attend college. He had to do this for his mom so he wouldn't end up with a shit life like hers. He wanted to be able to support himself so that he wouldn't have to rely on someone else that he didn't really care about. He looked longingly at his bed. He wished he could just hit the pillow and go back to sleep. Sleep was Alex's favorite activity. It was the only time he could be unconscious and not have to think or worry about anything without being dead.

When he was all dressed and ready to go, he went downstairs to see his mom packing lunch for him and his little sister, Emily.

"Mom, you know, you don't have to pack lunch for me anymore," He smiled.

"Yeah but you'll be going off to college soon. I want to do this!" She smiled back and handed him his brown paper bag.

"Bye guys," He waved as he walked out the door. His dad was too interested in the news to say anything. His mom waved back and Emily excitedly replied "see you later!!" She absolutely adored him.

Right on cue, Alex's best buddy, Rian, was waiting outside to pick him up just like every morning. Rian was a grade above Alex so he was able to drive before him. He and Alex had been best friends since the day he was born.

"Sup Dawson," Alex nodded as he got in the car.

"What's good, Gaskarth?" He replied with his blinding smile. Everyone always commented on Rian's impressive teeth. They were almost as bright as his future. Almost. Rian was the type of kid that had everything handed to him in life. If you looked up "perfect family" in the dictionary, the Dawsons would show up. There was his mom, Kathy, and his dad, Dennis. They had four children, two boys and two girls. Their oldest was Chase, then Rian, then Claire, then Rachel. They were also rich, so Rian and his brothers and sisters never really had a want in their life. Rian also happened to be great at pretty much everything. He was number one in the class, played pretty much every sport and was captain of almost every team, performed in the school dramas and musicals, and still managed to have a social life. He also had the hottest girlfriend, the one and only Maria Lapinski. To say Alex was jealous of him would be an understatement.

Rian knew about Alex's issues, but to Alex's dismay, never really brought them up. Rian found it uncomfortable to talk about. But sometimes it was for the better because on the rare occasions when Alex had a breakdown and Rian tried to help, he just didn't understand. He was the type of person that thought that throwing a smile on and trying to be positive could solve all your problems. For Alex, that just didn't work.

Alex settled for a "good" in response to Rian's question. He wasn't about to whine to him about his latest tragedy.

When they finally got to the hellhole called school, Rian immediately ran out of the car to go make out with Maria for the next twenty minutes until the bell rang. Alex sighed, slamming Rian's car door shut. As much as he loved Rian, sometimes he really wished he had a true friend.