Black Poems

Silently Waiting

Silently waiting

I stand shivering in cold air

Gradually hating

How the wind tugs at my hair

I hear young voices in the distance

Their joy more than I can take

Laughter slowly breaking down my resistance

Intensifying my heart’s ache

My mind completely in bits

I studying the ants down at my feet

Waiting until the train hits

My mind is completely deplete

My pupils dilate

As the train approaches at staggering speed

The rails vibrate

And I dig my nails in my palm until I bleed

I study its deathly beauty

As it thunders down my way

Shiny, powerful and soothingly sooty

I pray for it to end my day

I inhale one last time

Before we embrace and seal my fate

Its destruction so sublime

Giving me the peace I so longingly for wait

The impact shredding me into a thousands pieces

Transforming me in tiny lumps of meat

As my life force decreases

I again study the ants on my feet

An excruciating flash of pain

Rips out my soul from my remains

Slowly I go back to sane

As I exhale and leave my chains

Instead of doing it I lived out my fantasy on paper. It seemed like a better idea. Surprisingly, it offered me great relief and I will recommend writing it down to anyone who has these fantasies.

Let me be clear on one thing: I do not glorify suicide. You have no idea how much pain you will cause your family and friends if you kill yourself.