Black Poems

Black Day

Funny how at the moment

I opened up my eyes this morning

I knew how the day would be

Black. Bleak. Breathtakingly boring.

I thought I was doing better

I thought I was going to be all right

Now all I can think of is how I ended up back here

In my hole. For no tangible reason at all.

The upcoming sun sheds its light upon the walls

Revealing that they are slowly closing in on me

Trapping me. Giving me no room to escape

I need to get up

But I can’t. The duvet is too heavy.

Unable to think properly

I remain frozen in my bed

All the things people said to me

Spin and spin around in my mind

Christa, you know you could do better than this

Christa, how could someone like you get such a lovely boy?

Christa, you just like to hear yourself talk

Christa, you need to finish this properly

Christa, your problems don’t concern me

Christa, you are constantly trying to escape reality

Christa, Christa, Christa, CHRISTA

I hide my head under my pillow

Trying to drown the voices out

The sun fully up

I drag myself out of the room

Go down for breakfast and coffee

Smile and give the boys a hug

Put on my coat. Go out for a walk

One foot in front of the other

I walk without seeing

Stumble without falling

My mind is too busy

With throwing insults in my face

I blink away my tears

Determined not to cry

One foot in front of the other

I walk along the line

No, I will not to fall

No, I will not give in

No, I will not break

I force myself to keep looking ahead

No further words need to be said