Dear Connor

May 5. Day 10.

Dear Connor, its been ten days since you left me. Im still in shock. I just cant believe your really gone. We had so much planned and you had so much to live for. I miss you like crazy and i still love you. im just trying to understand why god took you from me. i have your ring, and you better still have mine mr. i put it on a chain around your neck, one day we will switch these and you can have yours back, untill then, itll be near my heart.

I guess im writing to you because its the only thing thats helping me not cry. ive played our song everyday since, why dont you and i by santana and alex band. that makes me cry everything reminds me of you but i guess thats normal right? that song just a dream by carrie underwood i totally understand now.

if you were here id be telling you about my day, so let me tell you how the last ten days have gone. i cried for a week straight. i had my csts that week remember, honestly i wish i did horrible there is no way i did good. i didnt want to do anything, kiki forced me to eat, you remember her right, she was gonna be my maid of honnor my best female friend. ive only had her and you. you guys keep me together. keep me strong.

anyway let me cont, i had this horrible project in history to do, and guess what i got an A on it, high five for me. i think thats ten brownie points too, just saying. math is going well, anatomy i am still horrible in, i guess i need my tutor back, so come back to me please ;( english is english and the teacher is always gone, i swear they need to get rid of her, she did the same thing freshmen year, we learn nothing and with all the subs we all pass. gym is gym and you should be glad to know im actually working in it, its nice to run to forget about things, im trying to out run everything going on. criminal justice is nice, i freaken love that class, but i always have, what is it you always say, its in my blood. it totally is and im lovin it. im still a spanish ta, which i will never understand why, seriously i took two years of french i dont get how they think i will understand spanish. lol no comment on that one.

i want to keep telling you i miss you, but youll always know that. oh cam is the one that called in told me. your parents still dont like me, your mom is taking it hard, she acts like im nothing, even tho i ment the world to you and you too me. i guess ill always be the girl that took her first boy away. dave doesnt talk to me. he blames me for your death. which is ok, i blame me too, i should have told you not to go, i should have asked you to stay. hes the only one whos angry at me thats actually told me, everyone else just pretends. sam has helped me thru this, because he knows the side of you that i know. he doesnt blame me, and i will always be thankful of that. he says you wanted to go, well duh everyone knew that. you got so excited about it, you boys always went out right before your birthdays.

its getting late, and i have more homework to do, i wish you were here to help. scratch that i just want you here in general. i love you, and i miss you like crazy. ~Love Ari