Reading Between The Lyrics

Reading Between The Lyrics - Chp 13 {Taste Of Reality}

'A slap to the face and kicked dirt in my mouth. What do you get? You get the real world. You beat me back to reality and I can’t deny it, I like it. ‘Cause the real world is me and you aint as crude. I’m me and I’m meant to be here, with the sun and honest lullabies. You can leave a life of lies and you can be fake like the Barbie doll you are, but I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. So cheers, for the blissful drops of realities’ paradise.' – Riley May – Taste Of Reality

Rolling over the next morning my limbs and bones felt as if they were literally coated and lathered in cement, the rest of my body tied down by stones and a large boulder sitting on my stomach, restricting me and crushing my bones and insides. I felt so heavy and weak, like the gentle caress of the breeze would honestly knock me over and smash me to smithereens.

I’d hate to know how awful I’d feel once sitting up.

Moaning and groaning I hoisted myself up in my bed on my weak elbows as I felt my limbs tremble and shake, any minute about to give way. I groaned again before letting my face face plant into my pillow and it wasn’t gentle. Right now I didn’t see the point of getting up and out of bed. What was outside this room that held any reasoning or meaning for me?

Sulking a little longer I gave myself the best and longest pep talk possible, I had to get out of bed whether I liked it or not. Sure my life was literally in a rut and I felt like a zombie right now and I couldn’t cohere any of my thoughts or what this now meant. Yet, I knew damn well that my father didn’t deserve for his daughter to also leave him, even if I would still be here but only a shell.

Rolling out of bed and sitting up straight I glanced down at my naked form and moaned as I roughly ran my hands over my face and knotted tangle mess of hair. I groaned in agitation giving up on even trying taming that mess. Instead, I stood up and stumbled over to the cupboard as I pulled out a lazy shirt and cotton shorts to laze around in today. I ran my fingers through my hair again cringing at the knots but I guess that’s the consequence for lying on the bathroom floor all night.

I took a couple more deep breaths, pulling myself together as I tried to think things through, trying to gain somewhat of a perspective. It was times like this that you honestly needed a notepad and pen, what with my lists of drama and issues constantly growing. I felt completely and utterly confused, frazzled and dizzy.

Gaining some sense of bearings I knew I needed to do two things; I needed to be stronger, even if it was a little bit better, hell I just needed to look okay and stronger solely to reassure and comfort my dad. Secondly, I knew that the sooner I set foot out of this depressing and demon lathered bedroom of mine I’d tell my dad all and get the answers I sought.

With a new sense of direction and certainty I stepped out into the hallway and listened to the sound of an empty house. I made my way down the hall in the direction of the kitchen, my stomach not necessarily hungry and yet still needing something to feel sated, comfort food. I felt so gritty and swollen from the tears and drama that I needed something to make me feel real and alive so the bright stream of sunlight breaking through the kitchen window was enough of a wakeup call as I squinted deeply against the glare.

Stumbling about the kitchen I got myself a green tea and a bunch of chocolate biscuits before making my way into the lounge room. Nestling myself on the couch I wrapped the lounge’s throw rug tightly around me, pulled my feet up onto the lounge and wrapped myself up tightly in a ball with my cup of tea and the TV on a low temperature. The sight of me would make you think it was winter not summer.

Sitting there for quite some time I nestled my chin on my knee watching the TV screen that was playing some show that I paid no attention to. Apparently it was around lunch time, not that it surprised me, depressing feelings after all did make you feel more lethargic and exhausted. I truly didn’t understand what it meant when people said they felt like a shell, or floated or simply weren’t there until this very moment. The clock ticked soundlessly and time wore on and yet I just sat there unmoving and unthinking, as if I was frozen.