Do I Wanna Know

Chapter 8

Everything hurt. Not only was my exhausted body giving me hell this morning, my heart was still in pieces after everything that had happened the night before.

I hadn’t slept all night after leaving Camila’s house. And it wasn’t because of the drugs either, they’d wear off pretty quickly anyways; it was that agonizing feeling of having lost the brown eyed girl for good. Thinking about the way she had looked at me on the porch made me nauseous. The amount of anger in her voice made me quiver. It never dawned on me that she would notice the fact I had been using. Having done more than enough questionable things in my life, snorting coke on her birthday when she had just confessed one of her biggest secrets to me, was definitely not my proudest moment.

The smell of fresh coffee was the only pleasant thing about this morning. I should’ve been gone back to LA but I was in no condition to do that. Normally I should be sleeping but I couldn’t although every fiber of my body ached. So I had called my manager and cancelled the entire day which gave me at least today to recuperate before flying back tomorrow. Hopefully I would’ve gotten some sleep by then.

Until then, coffee had to suffice because I was not going to use any more of that damn stuff in my purse. It ruined everything. All of my hopes had vanished when Camila told me to leave. Now she had finally seen how screwed up I really was. I had always wondered why she’d like me anyways – not to mention have the kind of feelings she confessed of having.

I was surprised to hear my door bell ring because no one really knew that I was home. Everyone should think I was in LA but I slowly dragged my worn out body to the front door. My eyes shot wide open when I saw Camila standing on my doorstep.

“Hey”, I almost gasped in shock. I never would have expected her to be here. Actually I thought I’d never hear from her again.

“Hi”, she said softly. “Is this a bad time?”

“No, not at all. Come in”, I immediately replied and let her in. “Do you…want some coffee? I just made some?”

She nodded lightly and I could see some dark circles under her eyes. Not as dark and scary as mine but they made her otherwise perfect face look strained for the first time. Her light steps followed me into the kitchen and she sat down on the counter while I poured the dark and hot liquid into a cup.

“I would offer you something to eat but I don’t have anything my fridge that’s even remotely eatable”, I tried making pointless conversation because I was nervous.

My heart was racing again because this was so unexpected. What if she just came here to tell me that we shouldn’t see each other anymore? That she didn’t want to be involved in all of my drama and my obviously messed up lifestyle? My eyes glanced up for a second but she just looked outside and seemed more composed than I was. I put in two spoons of sugar and some cream because she used to take her coffee like that.

“Here”, I said quietly and placed the hot cup in front of her on the counter.

I figured she wouldn’t want to be too close to me which was way I chose to lean against the sink opposite of her. Her hair was in a ponytail and she looked a lot more casual in her simple white shirt, blue jeans and black converse. It was almost something I wore on a daily basis. She was still gorgeous and as soon as I met her warm brown eyes my heart fluttered. Her natural beauty was even more breathtaking than her enhanced, stylish one.

“I’m sorry about…”, we suddenly both blurted out at the same time. Our eyes met in a confused look before we couldn’t help but laugh nervously. Sometimes it really felt like we were wired the same way.

“Please, let me go first. I’m not sure if I’m going to lose courage otherwise”, Camila said and my pulse quickened. I prepared myself for the very worst.