Secrets In Silence ✓ [Secrets Book 1]

[Chapter Twenty-Seven] Addison

Happy Valentines Day ! :)         

           God only puts us through as much as we can handle,
                  so the people who struggle the most,
       have been chosen by God to be the strongest ones.
                                            –Unknown

Chapter Twenty-Seven – Addie

When I woke up the first thing I thought was that I was sore. I looked down at my wrapped leg and felt sick with how familiar this was and I freaked out looking for him, and I felt calmed and confused when I saw Liam looking at me.

"What happened?" I asked and my throat was hurting too I noticed and Liam looked away from me and I looked back at my leg and thought back and was coming up with a blank as to how it happened.

"Liam" I said and he sighed

"You were sleep walking, well it was more like nightmare walking." He said and I paled.

Oh my god, what did I do, what did they know, what did I say; nothing good could come out of this.

"You had a knife and were pacing and screaming and yelling at anyone that tried to get near you, you threatened them with the knife. You cut yourself on accident " he said and I looked away already feeling the water welling up in my eyes.

"Did I hurt anyone?" I asked

"You hurt yourself, but no one else." He assured me and I nodded

Now he was going to think I was a freak, but I guess he would be right. I wasn't good enough for him anyway and he would get tired of a girl with a story like mine, and he didn't even know the whole thing.

He was going to hate me now.

"Come here" he said and pulled me closer to him and I cried. I hated this, I hated feeling, I hated everything. Why did all of this have to happen to me? I always did what they wanted, why did I have to do that, maybe if I stood up for myself then It wouldn't have.

That's a lie, I tried and was beat down for it every time, any time I tried to fight it made no difference, they always won, always. I don't know why I kept trying to fight, it just made things worse for me, so much worse and so much more violent.

If I would have sat there and took it, hell if I hadn't have kept messing up and just followed orders to the letter then this wouldn't have happened, I wouldn't be like this, this was all my fault.

I pushed Liam away from me. I didn't deserve to be held, I didn't deserve his comfort. I brought this on myself and I deserved to feel miserable for what I had done. No need to wallow in self-pity.

"Addie, don't" he said and I pushed him away again but he didn't budge.

"Get away" I screamed and he stood up and I did too and pushed him again "Leave!" I told him and he shook his head

I could see that I was hurting him, that's all I did. I brought pain and suffering, I was absolutely worthless to anyone, including myself.

"Out" I said again and I pushed at him over and over and he wouldn't budge. I was bawling my eyes out trying to just get him away from me

"Why?" he asked

"Because you're better than this, you're better than me! I don't need you, I'm just going to hurt you." I said in frustration. He didn't get that I would bring nothing but misery.

"No Addie," He said and tried to hug me and I pushed him off again "Don't! Don't do this to yourself. You're stronger than this." he told me and I shook my head.

"No I'm not. I'm not strong, I'm weak! Even now I let them win, they always win!" I screamed in frustration and there was knocking on the door.

"We're fine, do not open that door." Liam said keeping an eye on me

"You told me that when I said no, it would be no! You told me you wouldn't push me."

"I know. And I was wrong to say that." He said and I glared at him "I'm not backing down Addison, I'm not leaving this room, and I'm not letting you push me away without a fight. I'm here Addison" he spread his arms "I've always been here!" he was getting frustrated

"See I hurt everyone." I cried

"No." he said and he came up to me and wrapped his arms around me. he didn't budge when I pushed and hit him trying to get away, he held me tighter.

"Let me go!" I yelled

"Tell me you hate me Addison." He said and I shook my head, I couldn't lie to him. He put a hand under my chin and made me look at him, he could read me so easily and I hated it, I didn't want him to look into my eyes. "Tell me you never want to see me again" he said and i shook my head again,

And in one movement he came down and pressed his lips roughly to mine and my heart speed up like it did last time and I fought the urge to wrap my arms around him and  pushed him away instead.

He was still standing there looking at me, with that stupid caring look in his eyes, with that personality that he would do anything to help me, he was looking at me like he wanted nothing more for me to just calm down and be with him, be in his arms, to kiss him and I hated that look, it made me cave.

But I couldn't, not this time, he was better off without me.

"Addie" his voice broke as he whispered my name and I felt defeated. My shoulders slumped and I looked up at him. I felt so lost right now and so confused, I didn't know what to do anymore. Nothing I did worked; I was cursed to be broken forever.

I walked into his arms and he met me that step and I wrapped my arms around his middle and he held me like he always did. Firm but gentle.

I looked up at him and I kissed him, I needed him right now, I needed to forget everything that just happened, I needed to forget what he told me I did last night, I just needed him to make me forget.

I kissed him harder and he sighed but kissed me back before pulling away.

"I'm sorry." I choked on a sob

"I know" he kissed my forehead and let his lips linger there

"Kiss me like you did last night." I told him and he looked down at me

"Why?"

"Because everything is okay when you do." I told him and he kissed me like I asked him too.

He picked me up and laid me down on my bed and settled between my legs while he continued to kiss me. I knew that this was all that would happen and that was perfect, he was a guy I could trust not to move things farther because that would only make it worse for me and for him.

His tongue caressed mine and it was rough at first but as I calmed down so did this kiss. He ran his hand over the bare skin of my leg, never going too high or in inappropriate places, it was just like he wanted to comfort me in any way he can and it was working.

He was gently and slowly kissing me now. It was so sweet I could feel the salty fluid running down the sides of my face. It comforted me that he was so close to me and when I needed to breathe I pulled back and he looked down at me.

He wiped the tears away from my face and caressed my face.

"I care more for you then you think Addison." He told me and kissed me one last time before he moved to his back and pulled me against his side. I buried my face in his chest and closed my eyes, I just woke up but I felt like I'd been awake all day already so I when sleep came back to me.