I'm sorry

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Chapter 7

Bridget's POV

"Mhumm". Taylor was obviously clearing her throat to get my attention. When that didn't work, she ripped the blankets off of, pulling me onto the ground.

I looked up at her with more anger now that she has woken me up from a lovely slumber. She is holding the bottle up, the one I drank last night

Disappointment raged in her eyes, making sure I knew I had let her down. She turns around to head to the room I've been staying in for almost the full year, not that I call it my room because I feel weird calling something mine when it's not. I sit back up on the couch with my head in my hands.

I knew I was going to disappoint her as soon as she saw me, but I couldn't help myself. I couldn't sit and act as if I'm okay when I'm clearly not. I have so many problems with me and one day spent with Taylor isn't going to change anything. I wasn't looking for a mom and after being with her for a year, it's obvious that I don't need her, since she hasn't done shit for me.

Taylor comes out from the hotel room with a duffle bag and my jacket that had been hanging on my door,"I'm done. Come back when you're sober." she drops the bag next to my feet and struts to her bedroom door, slamming it shut.

"It was one fucking night you bitch!" I scream, like she could hear me, "I didn't even go out!" I pick up my jacket only to throw it back down on the ground in rage, "fuck you! You know that?! Fuck you!" I sit in silence, waiting for something to come from behind her door, but when the silence just lingers longer, I pick up my things and go.

She doesn't bother to call me during the week I'm back out on the streets, and if we weren't in Louisville, I'd actually be scared. Of course Taylor kicks me out at one of the nicest cities we go to. Lowest crime rate for a state and minimal homeless people.


I'm still mad at Taylor, only because she is this guardian, but she kicked me out.

I guess I've been saying I didn't need a guardian this whole time, so really, she gave me what I wanted.

Now that I don't have her, I truly miss her. But I honestly don't know what I want anymore. I'm mixed with feelings of anger and remorse, not knowing what part of my mind was going to get the best of me.

Once I found out she kept my credit cards running I checked out a hotel room for the time being. It's lonely as I sit in the cold room all by myself. I don't have any need to drink since I don't have anyone pushing my feelings. So, I'm a week sober, so doens't that mean I can now call Taylor back? Not letting my ego get the best of me I pick up my phone and give Taylor a ring,

"Hello?"

"Hey Tay,"

"Oh hi," I can hear the disappointment that's still in her voice

"Can I come home now?"

"If you can show me that you will be sober yes; but Ellen has called me to be apart of her first live show today. I'm on my way to the plane and if you can find yourself respecting me and sobering up, you can come."

"So, you we're going to leave me if I didn't call today? And I would have to find out through the television that you're in LA without me?" I start to get angry on the other side and she sighs

"No, I was going to have my mom watch over you while I was in LA." she responds ever so carefully, "you can join me if you care to do so, otherwise my mom is on her way"

"How do you know where I am?"

"I control your credit card Bridget, I know everything" she warns, knowing her statement would hit me hard, "now, are you coming home or not?"

"Yeah...I'm on my way." I sigh, "I'm sorry, Taylor" finally admitting it to her.

The only thing I hear on the other side is the dial tone, showing she had hung up on me. 

It takes a while before we get to LA and prepare for the Ellen show. Taylor was in the bathroom of the dressing room, getting her makeup set. I was sitting on the couch, flipping through the channels on the large TV. A knock on my door startles me, watching it open and Ellens head pop in.

"Hey Bridget, how are you?" she comes over to the couch and sits semi close to me.

"I'm good, yourself?" I keep my arms crossed,

"we would love if you joined Taylor on the show with us half way through. But it is a live show and it's our first one, so if you're comfortable with that then we would love to have you."

"Yeah sure." My response is quick and I look at Taylor who had just reentered the room. She was putting the mascara back in the tube and smiles at me.

After watching Taylor through the TV in the dressing room, they finally popped their head in telling me it's time to go on stage.

I sit next to Taylor but on the opposite side of the couch, only because we didn't resolve things yet. When we were on the plane she just put headphones in and ignored me. I didn't blame her, I am a shit child.

We small talk for a while, what my thoughts were on being on the road and traveling to all the states. I genuinely try to stay to the truth but the whole sleeping on a tour bus once and awhile actually irks me.

Ellen adjusts herself in her seat and Taylor looks over at me, "So what do you think of having Taylor as a mom?"

Without a thought, I blurted out what was on my mind "Honestly? It sucks; she's boring, always talking about some guy even if the guy doesn't like her back. She thinks she's cool, but really she's just embarrassing herself. Oh! And she slapped me the other night, yeah right on the cheek, felt amazing. I think my favorite memory is when kicked me out of the house a week ago. I couldn't have asked for a better guardian" I spit, looking at Ellen dead eyed.

The words flood back to me, as if I'm having an our of body experience and didn't hear the words until they were out of my mouth. When the crowed gasps at the statement, I know I have royally fucked up, embarrassing Taylor and Ellen herself. Taylor puts her head down in her hands.

The shock on Ellen's face was a match to mine and soon the crowd starts to all mumble things. I looked at Taylor, water was in her eyes. She was ready to cry and so was I.

"We will be right back after this break." Ellen broke the silence.

"Taylor I'm sorry I didn't mean it." I defend, looking back at her

"Then why did you say it?!" After that she walked away and I ran after her, and left Ellen alone.

"Taylor please stop, I'm sorry!! I didn't think before I spoke-"

"That's your problem Bridg, you don't think before you talk or even do anything. I have been trying to help you this whole time and all you do is shut me down, I just need you to trust me."

"Taylor we need you back out here."  Ellen tried to get her back on the stage but she couldn't handle anything right now.

As I turn to clear things up, Taylor grabs my arm "No Bridget, don't go out there, you will screw things up even more. Just get in the car."

The rest of the interview was talking about me and when Taylor had signed the papers. They talk about Taylor's possible break in career and if she were to move back to Nashville. I knew I had made things awkward and it we on everyone's face. Taylor was shy and Ellen didn't know how to make jokes.

I find my phone hidden in Taylor's purse under the car seat, checking all social media to see what people were saying about me. As I sat in the car, I read all the hate. All the nasty words people had claimed I am or look like. They defend Taylor just like they should but I can't help but feel like shit.

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