Spirits and Demons

Childhood Forever Lost

                                                         Part Sixteen

  Upon Virginia leaving, heading back to Kansas City from her last visit with her children, James Michael made her promise to try to quit drinking and come home to raise his siblings since it was too much for him to do while he was trying to recover from his heart condition. The responsibilities and chores upon his shoulders at such an early age had all but robbed him of his childhood. Changing diapers, washing and ironing clothes, dragging Ricky and Ronny out of bed in time for them to make it to school. Cooking dinner every evening, cleaning up behind all of his siblings, forcing them to take their baths. Jimmy Don had continued his drug use and was still shooting drugs into his veins with hypodermic needles at the age of eleven. Ricky and Ronny, ages nine and seven,  stayed gone every day after school and would make it home after dark, they'd taken to hanging out with older boys. Just taking care of Tommy and Kathy alone was more than James Michael felt he could handle. Every morning he'd take Tommy and Kathy down the street to stay with their grandmother Eva, so that he could attend school. As soon as school was out he'd go straight to pick them up and bring them to their new home at their grandmother's abandoned home. Just before Virginia began driving away back to Missouri, James Michael related to his mother that Jimmy Don was on drugs and Ricky and Ronny were getting out of hand. She assured him she'd do her best to quit drinking and move back home after she had a talk with Billy Ray. James Michael knew the alcohol had control of Virginia, every time she came to visit and leave again, he'd find a solitary place when he'd a chance and he'd cry his eyes out.

  Weekends would arrive and James Michael wished he could find some time alone just to walk along the levee near the river. Some time to think about things, to try to figure out a way out of the mess his life was. A man in a boy's body, he could handle it mentally though he didn't want to. He felt he had no choice, to leave Tommy and Kathy at Eva's where drunken fighting between her and Vernon was a daily occurrence, he felt he had to raise his siblings since there was no one else around to do it. Saturdays and Sundays Vernon and Eva would frequent the local bars from noon until late into the wee morning hours. They'd drink and dance all day and night, then return home fighting, drunk as ever. James Michael would watch Tommy and Kathy at Eva's and Vernon's home until the wee morning hours and as soon as Vernon and Eva would arrive home in a taxi, James Michael would wake Tommy and Kathy and take them home to Eva's abandoned home at the end of the block. During their stay at Vernon's and Eva's, James Michael would cook for all his siblings and most times Jimmy Don, Ricky, and Ronny come to eat and leave again. The responsibility and pressure became so great on James Michael's shoulders, that he'd scream at the top of his lungs, hit himself, pull his hair out of his head all the while tears would be streaming down his face. Hours it would take him to compose himself, Tommy's and Kathy's nonstop crying would eventually bring him to his senses. In the back of his mind he realized he hadn't fed them on time nor had he changed Kathy's diaper. Cartoons on the television and G.I.Joe commercials were also driving him insane. Trapped in a boy's body and being forced to be a man in such a hurry wasn't the end of the world for James Michael, yet often he wished he belonged to a different family somewhere else. A family that had a dad and mom, and siblings that were somehow disciplined. A family that grew together so that he didn't have to grow up so fast while he was still a very young child himself.