Afire Love // Dan Howell

Chapter 24

A/N Hey! So I wrote this chapter listening to "Car Radio" by twenty one pilots! I know that a lot of you enjoy them and I think this particular song goes really well with this chapter, so feel free to listen to it as you read and enjoy! :)

After switching off the camera, Dan asked to be alone. Phil tried to persuade him to talk about his emotions but Dan shook his head and repeated his request. You didn't want to leave him alone his bedroom but you understood that he probably needs closure; letting go of his YouTube channel is a big step for him and you have seen him grow into such a confident person through it. He would always show you a video before he posted it, to assure that he had your approval and you could tell that it was something he enjoyed, excluding the fact that he didn't upload regularly. You loved watching him grow from 0 subscribers all the way to where he is now and it seems like such a waste to just quit, but it was the right thing to do. 

You have been sitting in silence on the sofa, in a darkened living room,  with Phil for a while now. The TV is on in the background and although it seems that yours and Phil's eyes are fixed on the screen, you aren't taking any of it in. You can't help but think that this is all it will ever be soon: just you, Phil and a quiet apartment, wondering where time  went. You hear the rustle of the sofa and turn to see Phil getting up.

"Where are you going?" You ask in a soft, tired tone.

"To bed." Phil yawns, stretching his arms.

As he begins walking towards the door, you remember something. 

"Phil." 

He spins around and looks at you.

"I'm sorry about our argument earlier." You tell him, "We're both stressed but we need to be on good terms through this difficult time. Besides, I hate fighting - especially with you and Dan."

Phil slowly nods in agreement and pushes his dark fringe out of his face, revealing his forehead.

"I'm sorry too." He responds, "What I said was uncalled for - I'm just finding this incredibly hard."

"Me too." You sigh.

Phil stands in the middle of the room awkwardly for a while and then he finally wanders out into the hallway. You're glad you and Phil are okay now. At the end of the day, you both need support as well as Dan and one day, if Dan was to go, Phil would be all that you have left. 

You lean forward and grasp the TV remote, turning the screen off and then you just stare at the empty screen. What's Dan up to right now? Is he okay? Has he been crying? Many questions come to mind and they are all associated with Dan. You think about going into his bedroom but you know that he needs some time alone, no matter how much it hurts to feel lonely. As you continue to sit in silence, you see you phone screen flash up beside you. 

'danisnotonfire just uploaded a new video'

You sigh, slide your finger across you screen, type in your pass code and see Dan's channel load on your screen. The thumbnail of you and Phil holding Dan's hand appears with the title 'Goodbye Internet.' beneath it. He's done it. With no editing necessary, he has posted his final video and you have never seen such a truthful but heart-breaking video. Your hand trembling slightly, you scroll down to the comments and see the responses of his distraught but supportive fans.

"Thank you for all that you have done for us Dan. You helped me through so much! Please stay strong."

"I am so devastated. Cancer sucks. "

"The Phandom loves you Dan. Of course, we are all incredibly upset to see you go but you need to focus on yourself."

"Not gonna lie, I began sobbing as soon as I saw the title and then continued the whole way through. Get well soon Danny." 

"I feel like there is going to be something missing from my life now that you have left YouTube but thank you for all of the memories - you won't be forgotten."

"I feel physically sick. You don't deserve this Dan."

"I wish I could take his place :( We love you Daniel."

Your phone's screen fades to black and you sit, staring across at the wall opposite. You wish you could take his place too. It's amazing how his life has effected so many people and you clearly aren't the only one feeling hurt by the fact that he is suffering. Leaving your phone on the arm of the sofa, you walk out of the dark living room and into the hallway. The silence of the apartment overwhelms you and so you head towards Dan's bedroom door. You push open the door and see Dan sitting on the stool of his piano. His fingers rest against the keys but he is stiff and no sound is being produced. 

"Dan?"

Dan pulls his hands away from the piano and turns to face you. Without a word slipping from his tongue, he holds his arm open wide and you run up into them. 

"I'm so proud of you Daniel." You say, nuzzling into the crook of his neck, "And so are millions of other people."

"I know." He mumbles, "Which is why I've decided to go ahead with the surgery."

You pull away from his hug with a smile on your face.

"Really?" You say at a high-pitch.

"Yeah." He responds, "I need to at least try."

A couple tears of happiness and relief fall down your face as you hug him once more. Your head is pressed against his chest and the thud of his heartbeat comforts you. He kisses your head and then takes a hold of your hand.

"I don't want to sleep alone." He whispers.

"You don't have to." 

With a genuinely thankful smile on his face, Dan guides you over to his bed and you both collapse onto it, your hands and legs intertwined. You press your forehead against his and stare into his brown eyes that never fail to astound you. 

"I've decided that I hate being alone." You admit.

"What do you mean?"

"I sat alone for hours. I hated it because I just wanted you." You tell him.

The corners of Dan's mouth move up his face, revealing the two dimples that you have been missing. 

"I love you." He says at a hushed tone, "Never forget that."

"I won't." You say, "I love you too."

You fall asleep staring into each others eyes and you can't help but feel so safe in his arms. He is so brave and you are becoming more hopeful of the future. Maybe, just maybe, there is a chance that he will survive...

A/N So the video has been posted, Dan has quit YouTube, the Phandom now know and Dan has decided to have surgery after all. Maybe things are looking up? The only thing is - will Dan survive the surgery? Do you think that he has made the right decision? What do you think is going to happen? Let me know all your thoughts and suggestions in the comments and don't forget to vote if you enjoyed this chapter! Thanks!

~ Katie