Letters I [k.th]

First Letter

     "Dear Tae,

     I'm sorry I didn't come over when you asked me to.

     Maybe if I did, you'd be sitting next to me.

     Maybe if I did, I wouldn't be the one writing this letter.

     Maybe if I did, you'd be the one writing this letter,"

     She stopped reading and looked at his gravestone, tracing his name with her fingertips.

     "Maybe if I did, you'd be the one sitting by my grave," she whispered.

     That sentence wasn't even written down in her letter.

     She cleared her throat.

     "I'm sorry I told you not to leave the house. I'm sorry I told you about that nightmare. I was trying to protect you. I guess you can't fool death.

     I'm sorry I didn't visit you today. I couldn't do it. You still didn't get to see your birthday present. Your birthday is in 45 days. I wanted to give you it, Tae.

     My mother is calling me, but I don't want to stop talking to you.

     I'm still waiting for that phone call.

     I'm waiting for you to call me and tell me it was just a joke, but I don't think that's going to happen.

     I miss you so much.

     Sometimes, we think we're protecting the ones we love.

     And by protecting them, we end up killing them.

      It's like having strict parents. They choke you with their rules and suffocate you, but all they're trying to do is protect you from the self-absorbed people out there.

      Was I being selfish when I asked you to spend yesterday night at home?

     Was I protecting you because I wanted you to live so we could spend the rest of our lives together? Did I do it because I wanted you all for myself and not for the gods?

     Or

     Was I protecting you because I simply wanted you to stay alive?"

     She made a not so deep hole in the sand on top of his grave, placed the letter and covered it again.

     She kissed the gravestone and made her way back home.

     But what if that spot next to his grave was her home?