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Sex, Consent, and America!

So today I'm going to tackle a fairly heavy subject, and try to weigh my opinion on that subject. Over the last two-three years, this has grown into an increasingly touchy topic, with very strong opinion on both sides of the spectrum. Part of me wants to explain this because I feel that many new writers, particularly in the romance section, need to understand this cultural change if you didn't already so that at the very least you can be ready to defend your own choices. The other part of me wants to write this because every time I write about sex, I get 2-3 times as many likes on that chapter... So let's talk about America's favorite pastime, Sexual consent and Rape. And hopefully wattpad doesn't tag me with mature again, because I honestly think this is something even young adults need to hear.

Just to be clear, rape is bad, mmkay. However, when I'm discussing the concept of rape today, I'm no longer discussing the stranger in a dark alley who forces a girl to the ground at knifepoint. That was the understanding of rape when adults over 40 grew up. This is undeniably rape for anyone and everyone. If you're a few years younger (30+), you might add violating drunk people who are unable to give consent, and of course date rape as elicited by a drug slipped into someone's drink. Almost everyone would agree this is rape, but I'm not talking about this kind of rape either.

I'm talking about the newest cultural change, which takes the term rape down to its definition. That would be, non-consensual rape. Or... rape where one party does not give a clear, verbal consent. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying these things weren't always rape. I'm merely speaking to culture's tendency to not see these things as wrong in the past. Non-consensual rape in the 70s was as much rape as it is today, but just like a racist movie in the 1930s, many people just didn't see it as racist, because culture...

Now, America (US) is a lot different than other countries, so let me explain for a bit. While we have a history of saying "anything goes" when it comes to violence in media, America (US) has always had a strange relationship with sex. It has often become a media taboo to have anything sexual on camera. Even these days, R rating goes to anything remotely sexual, whereas blowing someone's head off sits comfortably at PG-13. Don't even think of seeing a guy's butt as he's thrusting, because that's an immediate NC-17 rating. Even this site has their mature rating, which creates the "after dark" app they have to make look like smut, because way too many people equate sex with taboo.

This affected rape too. Since sex is taboo, sex crimes are even worse. America (US), for entirely too many years, tried to pretend rape didn't exist, or if it did, it was somehow instigated in some way. So, that's how America (US) existed. But slowly, perhaps too slowly, America (US) has steadily started to accept the reality of rape. We've began to understand what consent really means.

To the current America (US), consent is clear, verbal acknowledgement prior to sex. No mumbled maybes, no half-hearted submissions. You can argue until the cows come home whether it's the man's responsibility to hear that consent, or the woman's responsibility to give that consent, but it's only the man's failure that results in a crime, so in society as it is, the man is responsible. Also, while I say "consent is clear", I don't mean that everyone has accepted this world view on sex. However, whether you accept it or not, it is the reality.

Furthermore, that consent is not a permanent, or even a temporary yes. Any American should be entitled to change their mind during any part of sexual intercourse, and disengage without further continuation of said sex. That means five minutes in, if one party suddenly decides they don't like it, if they change their consent, the other party must disengage immediately.

This is all considerably easier said than done. It leads to a lot of equally difficult questions. For example, what about coercion? If I try to convince my girlfriend to have sex, is it a crime? Many say yes, some say no. If someone gives consent, and then they change their mind, sex immediately stops. But what about the opposite case? When someone doesn't give consent, at what point can you ask again? If you make out, as teenagers are like to do, and you try to cop a feel, and are told no... how much making out before you're allowed to ask again, and see if she is now in the mood?