At Water's Edge

At Water's Edge -Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Blindly she walks up to her room and closes the door. Holding on to the post of the bed she stagers over to the window, her hand on her lips which almost brushed his, she watches him out in the gazebo still standing in the same place where she left him. Grabbing her journal she clumsily sits on the sill and begins to write on the tear stained pages.

D,

So close, I was so close to letting go, letting him in, it would have been so easy. The look in his eyes was so pure he was so sweet; I didn't want to hurt him, or lead him on. I cannot risk leaving a piece of myself here, I cannot. It would be so easy to love him, it would be so easy to fall for him and fall hard. But I know the ground would not be so kind to my foolish affections, that is why I need to keep him at arm's length.

God look at him, my heart goes out to him, he is so strong and proud but emotionally a confused boy. How do I look into those eyes and say no, when every inch of me screams YES!!

I must never permit myself to be in such a compromising position with him, next time I don't think I will have such restraint.

I have to pour all of my energy into my endeavor with Mr. Scott. This must be my only focus, well that and the children. I must tread carefully on this hollow ground.

Goodbye!

With a heavy heart and tears that have yet to cease she throws herself upon her bed. Crying herself to sleep she eventually drifts off into a dreamless slumber.

In the morning she is waken by Olivia "Nina, Miss are you all right? You should have called on me to assist you in undressing, your dress is rumpled and look at your hair. If you do not mind me saying miss you look like something the cat dragged in."

"Truth be told I feel worse than I look. The lights are so bright close the curtains, please." She says squinting her eyes and burying her head in the sheets.

Attempting to get up she is tossed back on the bed, as the room is spinning uncontrollably.

"Ughhh... I have the most wicked head ache."

Olivia replies in a scalding tone "Well that should teach you, just because the champagne is plentiful does not mean you must drink your weight in it. And sherry with the Count for a night cap" shaking her head and tisking in a disapproving manner, "you are glutton for punishment." she laughs.

"At the time it seemed like a good idea, I was feeling warm and fuzzy from the alcohol the moonlight illuminated the gardens just so and... "

"And the Count was his usual charming self..." Olivia interjects with an all knowing laugh.

Sheepishly she continues "Well that too, how is a woman to say no to him. Why is he not married, I can't imagine a woman who would say no to him?" she says perplexed."You cannot imagine how hard it was for me to walk away from him."

"Well he is looking for something... more. He thought he found it in her Grace, but fate had other plans. And now it appears that he has set his sights on you, you lucky tart! All of London is a buzz with the news that the Count is smitten with a highly opinionated American. I expect for him to have some competition as suitors come to call and make his courting more difficult."

"No Livy" she shakes her head "there will be no courting. You know that I did not agree to participate in the seasons festivities for the purpose of acquiring a husband. If it was up to me I would spend my days with the children and doing research."

"Well Miss perhaps fate will interject there as well."

"If I have anything to do with it, it won't" she says adamantly as she attempts to get out of bed yet again.