While You Were Gone.

Chapter 19

In that moment, I felt so drained. So tired and worn out. And stressed beyond belief. I just didn't know what to do anymore. I sighed into Frank's chest, loving his addictive smell. "It's late. We should be sleeping now." I looked up and glanced at the window beside us. Sunrise. It must be at least five in the morning.

  "Frank," I whispered. "What am I going to do?" I don't know what caused me to ask the question. I knew he wouldn't have the answer. I just wanted to hear his voice. "Honestly, there isn't much you can do. I doubt talking to Gerard right now will help anything. Let's just wait it out for a while before you do anything, okay?" I nodded, but I needed things to be okay between Gerard and I. I wouldn't be able to sleep if I didn't. 

I guess it's too late now. "So, does this mean you've chosen, or do you still need time?" Have I chosen? I looked at Frank. "Honestly, I don't know. I'm still so confused." He nodded in understanding. "Take all the time you need, then." He said kissing the top of my head.

"Okay. Thank you." I said quietly.

"Since I'm sharing a room with Mikey, you can stay with Madison. We got her a room a couple hours ago." I nodded, not having anything else to say. "It's right across from our room. Come on, I'll take you." He grabbed my hand and led me to the room I shared with Madison. 

We stopped in front of the beige door. "It should be open," He said turning the knob. A wave of exhaustion washed over me, making me stumble back into Frank's arms. He caught me quickly.

"You really need some sleep." He started to carry me into the room when I stopped him.

"I really don't want to be alone right now. Can I stay with you tonight?" I asked, my eyes drooping.

"Of course you can." He carried me to his room. I fell asleep within seconds after I'd closed my eyes. He hadn't even made it to his bed yet.

***

The next morning, I woke up to an empty bed. I eyed the clock on the table beside me. Almost two in the afternoon.

"About time you woke up." I heard a voice say. I saw that it was Mikey's. "I'm sorry. I was dead beat tired after last night." He laughed.

"It's okay. I expected you would be after all that has happened." His eyes then turned sympathetic. "You want to talk about it?" I nodded. I needed to vent.

 He patted the space next to him and I sat there. "Mikey, I'm so confused. Gerard is so upset and hurt and it's all my fault. The only anger I feel is towards myself for doing that to him. And to Frank to. Neither of them deserve what I've put them through. God, I'm such an idiot. It seems all of my problems cast out to those around me. Why does this always happen?" He rubbed my back as I vented. Tears were pricking at my eyes. 

 "It's not your fault, Ell. I know my brother. He's a hot head. He'll eventually get over what's happening and everything will be back to normal." I shook my head at this, making the unshed tears fall. "It won't. Nothing will ever be normal. Not when I'm basically in love with both of my best friends. I can't do a thing without hurting one of them or both. I'm such a mess."  I said as the tears streaked down my cheeks.

 "Sweetie, trust me, this will not last forever. All you have to do is follow your heart." The exact words my mother said to me when I was a teenager. "It's not that easy."

"Maybe not now, but it will be when the time is right." I looked up at Mikey smiling reassuringly at me. I threw my arms around his waist and hugged him tightly. "Thank you so much, Mikes. I really needed that. Thank you for the advice and for listening." He hugged me back just as tightly. "No problem, dear," He kissed the top of my head, just like Frank did.

Frank. Where is he?

"Now, go fix your appearence. You look like hell." He said with amusement shining in his eyes.  I punched him in the arm, glaring at him playfully. "Shut up." I walked to the bathroom that was connected to the room and stared at my reflection in the mirror. Ew, I did look terrible.

I began to work on my dark brown hair, trying to comb out the tangles. How had he maintained a straight face while looking me? I look like all hell broke loose on my head!

 I noticed the bruises on my face were fading. At least that was one good thing. My green eyes looked tired from being up all night. I sighed, seeing this was the best I could possibly get.

I walked out and saw Frank was there. "Hey, Ell." I waved.  "We leave in a couple days. We have a show tonight and one tomorrow night. We leave the day after. You have your stuff, right?" I nodded. "Good." 

"Can I talk to Gerard now? I need to fix this." I blurted out. I need to talk to him. I need to see his bright smile lighting up his eyes. I wanted to feel the comfort of his arms around me. 

"Yeah. Go ahead."