A Hand to Guide the Way (Sterek)

Total destruction

STILES POV

Talking to Scott was probably the only thing I needed at this point. It felt great to just tell someone everything.. trust them with my deepest feelings. It also made me realise that maybe I needed to focus on just me for a while. Scott was right though. That Sourwolf was a distraction from everything going on around me, he made me feel safe and loved. But he was a threat to my barely healed heart and scared me. The pure passion one kissed contained...... presented a potential to shatter my heart once again.

I pulled into the familar parking place at the loft and gripped the steering wheel tightly. Tears were already sliding down my face and my head hung low. I slowly unbuckled, my hands shaking, and popped the latch of the car door. I slumped out, looking at the door of loft, dreading this confrontation. 

*KNOCK KNOCK* 

I rapped of the door, awaiting Derek's handsome face to open the door. When the door finally cracked open, he stood looking confident and strong. He sniffed the air and his expression fell. 

"Stiles?", he questioned looking worried, "What is wrong?"

DEREKS POV

*Play music now*

I opened the door and saw a broken looking Stiles. What was that smell? Was that tears..?

"Stiles? What is wrong?" I said, my voice breaking. The feelings he was putting off made me want to hold him in my arms and never let him go, but his expression said he didn't want it. 

"We... need to talk." He whispered not looking me in eye. He didn't want to feel it. He didn't want to feel our passionate connection. 

I let him in and sat down on the couch, motioning for him to sit next to me. Coldly, he chose the armchair across the room and sunk into it.

"Stiles... what is going on?" I stammered becoming nervous. "Please just.. tell me." I pleaded my voice catching in my throat.

He stared blankly at the floor, fidgeting his thumbs, tears slowly falling off his face.

"I can't do this Derek." He said, tears now flowing at a heavier rate.  

With those words I stood up. My emotions were raw and Stiles couldn't see me like that. I was supposed to be his rock.. his guide. 

"I.. umm.. what do you mean..?" I managed, my eyes burning.

"Derek, my heart was just shattered into a million peices because my mom's passing. Just these past couple of days has my heart been trying to bandage itself up. It needs recovery time. You have potential to shatter it again Derek. The way we connect... it's unreal. It's perfect. Everything that's perfect in my life... goes to hell. It's my fault. I ruin relationships and anything else that comes my way." He explained, clearly distraught. 

My back was turned to him and the tears were silently flowing. I'm not even sure why. The thing that connected me and Stiles was so strong and passionate and I didn't want to lose it. I didn't want to lose him.

I wiped my tears away and sat in silence for a second, allowing my eyes to dry. I turned to face him and his head was now in his hands. Striding toward him, I knelt down and lifted his chin to look in his eyes for the first time that night. 

He gasped at the electricity of the touch and eye contact. Goose bumps raised on my arms and I knew I had to say something.

"It doesn't have to be this way Stiles." I said slowly and pleadingly. I just wanted to close the gap between our lips and feel his smooth perfect lips against mine, but his next words stopped me.

"But it does Derek." He said, voice filled with sorrow. 

He got up, and the hand that was once on his chin dropped to my side. With my free hand I reached up and grabbed his wrist, stopping him. I pulled him into my waist and wrapped my arms around him. The brown doe eyes, I adored so much, searched my face for an explaination but I didn't have one.

Caressing his face, I kissed him with so much passion it surprised me. It was him this time that the little bumps plauged, and his skin was speckled in the goose bumps in seconds. He kissed back with so much love and passion, a goodbye kiss like none other. Stiles broke up the kiss and rested his head on my forehead. 

"Goodbye Sourwolf." He whispered.

He pulled away and was out the door before any words escaped my lips. 

I felt a stream of salty water begin to pour out of my eyes and I could hear the same reaction from Stiles, sitting in his car sobbing quietly. 

I wanted to run out of the loft and into his car and hold him close. He needed someone... but he didn't want to be that someone.. not now. 

I punched the couch pillow out of frustration.. tears still rolling down my cheeks. He was in so much pain and I couldn't do anything to help him.. It was killing me. I heard the jeep start up and Stiles sped home. I couldn't hear his crying anymore, but I could feel it and that was almost worse.

By the time I was done with the pillow I had destroyed it, leaving only feather and sheds of fabric in its place. 

Stiles had already meant so much to me and the feeling of him being so unhappy was like being eaten from the inside out. I could feel every feeling and thought and the pain he was enduring was unbearable. I cried out for him over and over again. The pain became so strong that it finally went numb.

I sighed, tears finally running out. My eyes becoming droopy from the crying, I layed on the couch covered in feathers, praying for sleep to come. 

After several hours of staring at the ceiling, it finally over took my body. I found peace in unconciousness that I wouldn't find for weeks to come.

*I really love this song. It's so beautiful. The lyrics don't really go with the chapter but the feel inspired me to write it! Please try to listen.*