My Own Way

Chapter 23

Chapter 23

Staying at my parents’ house for the last 4 days had been very stressful.  Blake would come over after work and spent a few hours with me but since my mom came back to sleep at the house, instead of staying at the hospital, Blake didn’t want to spend the night.  A part of me was thankful for that, sleeping next to him and then facing my mother the next morning would feel strange.  I felt like a teenager doing something wrong when it shouldn't be the case.  I knew it was all in my head which was the worst part.

My mom spent everyday at the hospital taking care of my dad and helping out.  He was doing the program for cardiac rehabilitation to learn about lifestyle changes that were necessary for him to have a better health after surviving a heart attack.  When I'd go visit him, he'd tell me it wasn't all that fun.  I was able to understand, he already was an active person, he didn't smoke, and he ate healthy…most of the time, also just staying at the hospital was enough to bore just about anyone.  Dr. Kross informed him that his cholesterol was really a major factor and so with rehab, he was also learning about low-fat and low-cholesterol diet.  My dad was put on medication to lower his cholesterol, another one to lower blood pressure and the heart's workload, also medicine to prevent blood clots from forming and causing another heart attack and the last one was for the pain.

Knowing he didn't like taking pills and that he always had been resistant towards them but now that his life depended on them, I think he looked at them differently which comforted me.  The last thing I wanted was for him to stop taking them and then relive the same horrible experience that happened a few nights ago and I knew my dad and everyone else felt the same way.

My dad was slowly getting better and I was so happy that today was the day he was finally coming home.  At first, I thought it was too fast, that leaving the hospital so soon was a ridiculous mistake that the doctors were making.  After talking with my mom she explained that the doctors told her that they would be monitoring him with frequent checkups but since he had always been in good health it was safe for him to go home.   

Visiting him at the hospital, for me, was one thing, I'd do it everyday but I could tell it was taking a toll on A.J. and Felix.  Even after just 4 days, the change in them was evident.  A.J. usually full of energy and the joker in the family was very quiet and kept to himself, while Felix usually all smiles and full of laughter would stay in his room or silently watch TV.  I tried to cheer them up but I was always unsuccessful.  When my mom would get home, we'd talk for a bit about how dad was doing.  She'd cry as she explained what happened during the day and then excuse herself for the rest of the night.

I knew it was horrible but each day I missed my space, my freedom and not caring about anything or anyone, because most of the time I was alone.  I wanted to help but all this waiting to see what would happen next was driving me nuts.  Even though A.J. and Felix were quiet and in their own thoughts, I tried to bring back a little bit of normalcy into the house, even though it never worked.  Always being alone, or most of the time, had its advantages but when taking care of others it made it impossible, even if I was alone in the room.

I had told my brothers this morning that dad was coming home today except that I didn't know at what time. Mom was going to call the house before leaving the hospital or while they were driving home.  I had bought a little banner that said, 'Welcome Home!' and Felix was drawing pictures to put on the walls so that when they’d open the door, both parents would see them.  A.J. still in his own head wanted to clean which really surprised me.  He still wasn't smiling but I hoped that once he'd see dad that everything would change for the better and I'd have my old brothers back.  I wasn't sure if I was being realistic but only time would tell.