My Own Way

Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Being in the kitchen with my mom was great, except for her constant questioning. My dad would enter the kitchen once in awhile to see if we needed help but I think he was wondering if we were both still alive.

"When's your next appointment with Emily?" My mom asked.

"Um...in a bit over 2 weeks."

"Do you find that it helps to talk to her? I mean, like it did when you were younger?"

"Yeah, she helps." I answered.

"What do you two talk about?" She asked while checking the carrots.

"A lot of things...different things." I said, trying to be vague. The last person I wanted to know what Emily and I talked about was my mom, or any family member for that matter.

"Like what?"

I took a deep breath feeling my anger and frustration taking over my body. As much as she could trigger them so easily, it wasn't a good enough reason for me to explode on her.

"I'm not having this conversation with you mom." I said using a different tone of voice, warning her to stop pushing.

"Is it about me? Is that why you're not telling me? I know you tell your father."

I looked at her and started to wonder.

"No he doesn't say anything I just wonder why you can't also tell me."

I was relieved. Talking with my dad was calming, he gave me good advice but sharing some conversation I had with Emily to my mom made me nervous.

"Do you want an honest answer?" I asked, stopping what I was doing to look directly at her.

"Yes, of course."

"Because your questions...they drive me crazy. Before I can even answer one of them, you ask another. Your questions never stop. We're not the same, I'm not you, and I handle things differently. All your questions, they frustrate me. It makes me not want to answer any of them. You want me to talk to you so that means you have to listen and just stop with the questions. They're driving me crazy." I repeated, raising my voice a bit.

"I'm sorry." She said looking down and the guilt just hit me. I felt like the worse daughter.

Crap, why did I have to say all that. I should have kept my mouth shut, I thought to myself.

I took a deep breath, "Mom...some questions are fine." I said coming closer to her. "The 'how are you', 'what have you been up to' even the 'have you been sleeping', is fine. You're my mom and I know you worry but you need to understand that I'm an adult. When I need you, I come to you. You might realize it or not, this is the first place I come to. I need you, dad, A.J. and Felix, you're my family and I wouldn't change it even if I could. I just need you to be my mom and not...a detective." I told her standing close to her.

"I'm sorry." She said again. "I'm just curious about your life. You always pretend like everything is fine and you put on a good show but you forget, I'm your mother and I know you. The smile you have on every time I see you isn't the real one. On occasion, your father notices too but I notice every time. I guess that's why I ask so many questions. I need to know you're okay but you say you're fine and I don't believe you." She said, almost in a whisper.

I didn't know what to say. I thought I was putting on a good show but she's right, she knows me better than anyone.

"May I ask something?" She asked and I smiled.