Secondhand Girlfriend

.30

{just the dress, although this girl is stunning, she isn't porcelain.}

I lay back on my bed with my legs hanging over the edge, and Porcelain climbs onto my lap with a blunt between her lips. Taking a long hit, she removes it from her mouth then kisses me on the lips, causing me to inhale the smoke. Breaking apart, smoke bellows from both our mouths and we laugh at each other. Passing the blunt back and forth between us, I stick my tongue out at her as she finishes the last of it.

"How come I had to find out you smoked through Andre," I say, resting my hands on her hips.

"Because you never asked," she laughs, laying her head on my chest, "plus you always smoke in your little group."

Chuckling a bit, I can't help but agree, because I know it's true. I only smoked with the group, because I had a place to; smoking in either one of my parents house was a no go. Now that I have my own though, I can do whatever the hell I want.

As she lays her head on my chest, we talk about what would be on our bucketlist if we had a month to live. We point out the places we would get different tattoos, and even talk about getting matching ones. This then went to a game of would you rather, and somehow we ended up on the topic of our futures.

"You don't give yourself enough credit, Kie, you're going to be successful," Porcelain says, looking at me through hooded eyes.

"But you don't know that for sure, it's scary, Porcy," I breathe, wrapping my arm around her back.

"What are you good at," she solicits, tracing my jawline with her fingernail.

"I'm a Jack-of-all-trades, master of none, ya know? I can do a little bit of everything."

Laying her head back on my chest again, she closes her eyes for a moment. I twirl a piece of her hair around my finger, and hum Billie Jean by Michael Jackson as I stare up at the ceiling. Everything about my future is so uncertain, who am I going to be, will I still have Porcelain, what am I going to do after graduation? So many unanswered questions, that I can only await the future to have the answer to.

Porcelain snores on my chest, and I snicker softly as I lay her on the bed then stand up to go to the bathroom. I use the toilet, then wash my hands to leave but stopping when I look into the mirror. The bruise on my cheek has turned a disgusting yellow colour, and I huff at the reminder of Frank. A smile plays on my lips as I remember something else from that day, and I bite my lip to suppress the smile. Leaving the bathroom, I grab my jacket from the chair in the kitchen and walk out the door.

I take the stairs down two at a time, and emerge into the chilly air of mid-May. Shrugging the jacket on my shoulders, I head down the street in no particular hurry to anywhere. My head is down as I think about my options for when I graduate. College is always an option, as well as working, but I can do both instead of one or the other. Traveling would be nice, but I would be alone and I hate flying by myself. I could always ask one of my friends to come with me, but I know most of them will actually be in college.

"What are you going to do with yourself, Kieran," I say out loud.

"For starters, stop talking to yourself," the voice makes me jump as I look up.

Chandler flicks her cigeratte to the ground, and crushes it underneath her boot as she pushes herself off the brick wall. I haven't seen her since she moved to Denver, what the hell is she doing back here? Pushing the thought to the back of my mind, I hurriedly embrace her in a hug and she laughs as she squeezes me back. It's not we haven't text each since she's been gone, but seeing her in person now is the greatest thing in the world.

"I missed you too," she laughs, her chin resting on my shoulder.

Once we pull away from each other, she asks me to give her a breakdown of what has happened while she was away. Trying to remember the last thing I told her, I tell her about Fernando ditching us for the soccer team and a few more current event from the last five months. I save all of my personal things until the end, and this causes us to stop walking in the middle of the sidewalk. People grumble under their breath as the move around us, but we ignore them as we continue to talk.