The Foster Kid (GirlxGirl)

Chapter Thirty

I'd had a countless number of lows in my lifetime, but I could only remember one instance where my mental state had been this bad. The time period after Quinn left my life had been unbearable, and I'd be lying if I said that I hadn't thought, at least once, how much easier it would have been to just give up. I had been depressed and I had no one in my life, not to mention I was dealing with Daya since Quinn was no longer around to protect me.

This was a new low. I had three deaths constantly hanging over my shoulder, I couldn't find my sister, and all things Brian were looming over my head like a giant leech, sucking away any of the happiness that I still had left. The difference between now and then was that I wasn't depressed because of him. I knew the feeling and this wasn't it. I was just completely and utterly done and I really couldn't do it anymore.

A couple of days had passed since the preliminary hearing. I didn't want to talk to Dani about what had happened in the bedroom, which resulted in me not talking to her at all. I could tell that she desperately wanted my attention but I just wasn't ready to face her.

Truthfully, I was embarrassed. I had opened up to her but I hadn't shown her the darkest parts of my mind, and for Brian to surface while we were in bed together was embarrassing, not to mention infuriating. He had taken everything from me, most importantly the mental stability that I had worked hard to regain, and now he had somehow managed to take away sex with the only woman that I had ever actually wanted. The women that I'd slept with before served one purpose only, and that was to release my pent up frustration. Now, because of Dani, things were different, but I couldn't even embrace it because I saw and felt Brian when she touched me. I had a feeling I knew what Dani had done differently to trigger my bad memories, but I didn't want to go into specifics with her about Brian, and I couldn't explain to her what had happened without doing so.

But I knew she had a desire to talk to me about it and I obviously couldn't ignore her forever.

That week was excruciatingly long, and I had the reporters covering my case to thank. It started with just one or two people looking at me for a little longer than usual and then going on their way. Soon enough, the entire school knew that I was involved in a child abuse case. I could feel pity radiating out of almost everyone that passed me, including my teachers, and when I got it from Andy and Lucy too, I knew that I needed Dani back. We had exchanged a few words on Thursday but it was nothing more than her asking me how I was doing. I needed more than that. She was now the only one who looked at me like I wasn't damaged, which was why I was so worried about what had happened in the bedroom because I had a good feeling that that was about to change.

Her class on Friday passed slowly but similarly, with her catching my eye every chance she got. I knew that she didn't want to push me to talk but at the same time, I knew that she wished she could without upsetting me. When the bell rang, Andy tossed me a sympathetic, sad smile and walked out the door towards the cafeteria, knowing I didn't want to join her. It had been that way since Monday.

When all of my classmates had left and Dani realized that I was, in fact, staying, she stood up and hesitantly walked towards me. She slid into the seat next to me, catching my eyes and holding them. I spoke, "Hey."

She let out a breath of air and rolled her eyes. "Yeah, hey, it's been a week, how's life treating you?" she asked sarcastically.

"No complaints," I muttered. She had to know who she was talking to. I relied on sarcasm.

She sighed, her face falling. "What are we doing...?" She trailed off. "Beca, I wish you would just talk to me. You don't have to do this on your own."